A Rough First Week

Newsletter 2021-05-31

The school year is officially over. That means all four of my kids are now my problem and my problem alone. And my wife's problem, too, I guess. But Lola leaves the house five days a week to do whatever it is she does in her lab (Science? Sudoku? Professional ostrich jousting?) while I work from home with the untamed masses swirling around my desk. It’s like trying to write in the middle of a riot, only every few minutes the rioters take a brief pause to demand snacks. Logically, I did what I could to make the switch from school to summer vacation as seamless as possible. Yeah, right. As a direct result of my parenting decisions, the transition was about as gentle as jumping out of a plane in a hurricane while on fire and wearing a parachute that was actually a bag full of piranhas. What follows is the tale of unmitigated chaos that was our first week home together, which is impressive considering it was actually only three days. If it had been a full five, none of us would have survi…