Betsy Got Braces

Newsletter 2022-05-03

Every year, some government office puts out a report on how much it costs to raise a kid to the age of eighteen. The figure usually comes in at around ninety bajillion dollars, give or take a few bajillion. I disregard that number since my own parents raised an unruly swarm of kids without earning even one bajillion dollars. The keys to saving money are to use store brand toilet paper and to make your kids walk to school instead of buying them each a new Porsche. But this week, my ten-year-old, Betsy, got her first stage of braces. Now, that ninety bajillion dollar figure sounds like a low estimate. Apparently this is where the costs start adding up. If you actually want to raise affordable children, don’t let your babies grow teeth.

I tell my daughters that looks don’t matter, but I’m also going to spend thousands of dollars to fix Betsy’s smile for purely cosmetic reasons. Am I a hypocrite? Absolutely. That’s a prerequisite for being a parent. Do as I say, not as I allocate our famil…