Danger at the Pool

Newsletter 2021-06-20

The average person is 60 percent water. My kids are closer to 99 percent, with the other one percent being a mix of bone, muscle, and the mysterious goop they get all over everything. If you’re ever in my house, don’t touch the remote. My kids weren’t always so waterlogged. I tried to pass on to them my love for dry land. I like being places where, if I stop kicking my legs, I won’t die. My kids, on the other hand, are basically dolphins. For the last few weeks, we’ve been to the pool nearly every day, and it’s still not enough. Only my children could make me feel bad for skipping that one day for inclement weather. A good dad would let them swim in the middle of a lightning storm. This is the story of how my kids transitioned from mild mannered hominids to aquatic apex predators. If you’re at the pool and you hear the Jaws music, RUN. Or maybe power walk since running on the pool deck is strictly forbidden.

My kids have never had formal swimming lessons. Before this year, they’ve also…