Freezing Temperatures In My Own Home

Newsletter 2019-11-18

I don't ask much of my house. If it keeps me from freezing in the winter and melting in the summer, I’m happy. Well, maybe not happy, but neutrally indifferent, which is about as close to smiling as I ever get. This week, my house failed at one of those two key functions. When I woke up Wednesday morning, the thermostat said it was 61 degrees. For those of you anywhere on earth but America, that’s Fahrenheit, not Celsius, because I live in the only country that actively fears base-ten counting. If it were 61 degrees outside, that would be light jacket weather, but inside, it felt like January in Siberia. I’m surprised I didn’t wake up a human popsicle.

My first move—after shaking off the effects of prolonged frostbite—was to check the furnace in the basement. It may or may not have once stopped working because I forgot to change the filter for months on end. In my defense, I thought changing the filter was optional, like regular car maintenance or flossing. That time, when the HVAC guy…