He Called the Cops on My Pig

Newsletter 2021-03-08

After four years of urban swine ownership, it was bound to happen. I just didn't think it would be that day.

There was a knock at the front door.

I wasn’t expecting anyone else. I already had a full house. An HVAC crew was in the basement, resolving what they called an airflow issue and I called a demonic possession. After two straight years of technician after technician being mystified that our furnace worked fine when it was warm outside but gave up when it actually got cold, one specialist finally offered a solution: If we paid him five hundred dollars, he would use half of that money to bribe the demon to go away. Either that or he was going to add a huge new duct to improve return airflow. I wasn’t really listening. I also had a contractor “on the way” to finish building a pantry where our hallway shower used to be. It was only supposed to be a two-week project, which is why we’re now in month three with no end date in sight. But the contractor always uses the back door, which I l…