How I Got Stood Up By An Entire City

Newsletter 2020-03-09

I was wrong last week when I said my house was haunted. The ghost isn’t in my house. It’s in my minivan. Spectral interference in the engine is literally the only explanation left. First, the van’s entire electrical system failed, which left me stranded on the side of the Interstate with my four-year-old. I replaced the alternator, battery, and serpentine belt. Well, I didn’t, but somebody with actual skills who took my money did. Then the check engine light came on again. This time, a mechanic told me the van was completely out of oil, even though the oil light never came on and the engine didn’t start on fire, probably because hell doesn’t burn one of its own. There was no sign the engine was leaking or burning oil—the oil simply phased out of existence—so the mechanic told me to keep an eye on it. Which I have. Two eyes, even. I can’t drive while winking.

Then last Sunday happened. I took the van to a local park to write. The main appeal of the park is that it’s not my house. The pa…