I Called the Police

Newsletter 2021-01-17

The black rectangle appeared out of nowhere. It hadn't been in my front yard when I left home at 5 a.m. At least I don't think it had been. Full disclosure, I don't usually check my lawn for mysterious objects before I head out. Now, upon my return from the gym, the black rectangle was just barely visible in the dim morning light. My first guess was that someone had lost the tailgate to their truck. I lifted up one side to get a better look. It was certainly heavy enough to have come from a truck, although my arms might have just been exhausted from free weights. The great thing about lifting to get stronger is you actually feel weaker most of the time. People who don’t work out at all are doing it right. Then I saw the smooth screen on the other side of the rectangle. It wasn’t a tailgate at all. It was an old flat screen TV, from back in the days when something could be called “flat” and still be five inches thick and weigh as much as a grown man. This chunky boy had to be nearly fi…