Last-Second School Emergency

Newsletter 2020-05-17

School. Growing up, my favorite part was when it was over. Now, school is where I live. Imagine if school and house arrest had a baby, and then multiply that by four. That’s my life right now. As a combo educator/prison warden, I have an awkward role. I’m not quite a teacher since I don’t actually teach anything, yet I’m not quite not a teacher, either, since I have to stay on top of my kids all day to make sure they do their school work. It’s all done on tablets I’m not familiar with through apps I don’t understand. My threats to check their work are 100 percent a bluff. My general rule is if the kids look miserable, they’re probably doing what they’re supposed to. Unhappy children are educated children. Or at least children who learned how to use fake frowns to throw me off.

To keep me in the loop, the school sends me daily emails to let me know if my kids are missing any assignments. As of Friday, my ten-year-old, Betsy, and eight-year-old, Mae (Yes, they both had birthdays.), had t…