Mae's Big Day

Newsletter 2020-07-19

My eight-year-old, Mae, has her First Communion today. If you don't know what First Communion is, I recommend you look it up. I'm not Wikipedia. Since I won't have time to waste half (or, with my typical level of procrastination, all) of my Sunday writing a newsletter, I'm doing a time-stamped stream-of-consciousness log of my thoughts throughout the day. That will save me from having to write a coherent narrative at the end of the day while also serving as a valuable historical document so that, some day, Mae can look back as an adult and understand why she doesn't speak to me anymore. The best traumas start early.

6:30 a.m. The kids' alarm is going off. Why did they set an alarm? They have no obligations, and they can barely tell time. This is hell.

6:32 a.m. The kids are fighting loudly about something. We live in a land of abundance, and they want for nothing. Of course they are battling to the death for no reason.

6:48 a.m. The house is quiet. Either the battle is over or the kids h…