Man vs. Possum

Newsletter 2020-09-27

If there's one thing my kids don't need help with, it’s being louder. That's why it was with great consternation that I watched my children unwrap a karaoke machine last Christmas. The demonic device was given to them by my mom in what I can only assume was revenge for my entire childhood. Mothers and elephants never forget. The only saving grace was that, thanks to a lifetime of unrestricted screen time, my kids have the attention span of goldfish. They quickly forgot about their new noise machine and returned to the warm, embracing glow of their tablets. My house went back to its normal volume level, which just means my kids used their regular shouting voices instead of shouting voices enhanced by a microphone. My annual earplug budget is out of control.

But recently, my kids rediscovered the karaoke machine. Apparently they noticed the walls of the house weren’t shaking enough. Kids can sense when they're not living up to their full destructive potential. My ten-year-old, Betsy, and…