Meanest Parents Ever

Newsletter 2022-05-03

My kids did the dishes. That might not sound remarkable, but I might as well have said my kids walked through walls or learned to levitate. I don't expect much from my children when it comes to household chores. Asking them to complete even the simplest of tasks usually results in a day-long battle where they move so slowly time actually goes backwards. But then Lola discovered I was paying the kids an allowance, and that changed everything. Now we don’t have disgruntled kids; we have disgruntled employees. Lord help us if they ever unionize.

A few years ago, I set up my bank account to give the kids an automatic allowance every week. I figured it was the least I could do in return for all the bizarrely hilarious things they do that make my life harder but also give me something to write about. I didn't tell the kids because it's a bad idea to incentivize chaos. The last thing I needed was for them to think they could get a raise by acting even worse. Last week, Lola asked when we shou…