My Wife Met the Bear

Newsletter 2019-04-22

Easter is a day of life and rebirth and eating as much candy as you possibly can without quite dying from a fatal overdose. As far as I know, no one has ever actually kicked the bucket from consuming too many Cadbury eggs, but if there has to be a first, it will be me. I’m physically incapable of moderation. My blood type is milk chocolate.

I've been trying to cut back on sugar and carbs lately, but I made an exception for Easter weekend. Jesus didn't come back from the dead for me to stay on a diet. Besides, the faster I eat all the candy, the faster I can get back to eating healthy. It just makes sense to inhale the entire basket of Easter candy in one day. But as with Halloween, I had to get much of my candy indirectly through my kids. Holidays are really for adults, and kids are just proxies. If you buy ten pounds of candy for yourself, it's sad, but if you buy it for your kids and then eat it behind their backs, it's festive. And now you understand why there are so many holidays o…