Why I Called 911 for the First Time Ever

Newsletter 2018-08-20

Calling 911

It all started with a knock in the dark. It was 10:30 Friday night, and someone was at my front door. I wasn't expecting anybody. In fact, I barely know anybody in this town, just one of the many perks of a lifetime of social awkwardness. Now someone I had never met urgently wanted my attention. Naturally, I assumed I was about to be murdered.

The kids were all in bed, and my wife and I, like most happily married couples, were playing Halo on separate Xboxes, her in the dining room and me in the living room. The best quality time is spent in different rooms but in line-of-sight of each other so as not to disrupt the flow of trash talk. We were on our headsets chatting with my friends from high school and college, who are scattered around the world but team up with us once a week so we can all lose to 13 year olds together. Literally everyone I'm friends with was in that group chat, so when there was a knock on the door, I was sure it wasn't someone I wanted to meet. But by t…