Plotting Kids, An Injured Dog, and 909 Mistakes

Newsletter 2018-09-16

It was an eventful week in the Breakwell house. My kids were on their best behavior for nefarious reasons, my dog hobbled toward a huge vet bill, and I made exactly 909 mistakes in a row. Let's start with the kids. I admire anyone that committed to ulterior motives.

The Long Con

I knew something was up when Mae and Betsy started fighting over the vacuum cleaner. Not the useless toy one that they sometimes push around without cleaning up anything. No, they wanted the real, working vacuum that used to be in my dorm room in college. We kept it around all these years because it’s practically in mint condition. In four years of college, I used it once, and even then it was only because Lola made me. I'd like to say I've changed since then, but I now own two robot vacuums, so I’m the same as always. Technology just caught up with my laziness. But Betsy and Mae wanted to vacuum the old-fashioned way. I thought perhaps cleaning had suddenly become fun and trendy, but that wasn't the case at all…