Pig Murder Squeals

Newsletter 2019-10-27

The streak is broken. After three consecutive weekends of culturally enriching experiences (at least by my questionable standards), we didn’t do anything remotely educational this weekend. It wasn’t for lack of trying. We had some stuff planned for Saturday, but nothing was open and then God reneged on his promise to never again flood the earth. We stayed safely (and unproductively) indoors as central Indiana turned into the nation’s largest inland sea. It's just as well. If we always did fun stuff, you’d know I was faking it. The first red flag on any reality show is that every week, the family has an adventure. No couple can take their kids on a trip that many weekends in a row and stay married. If reality shows were “real,” the entire season would just be the parents lying exhausted on the couch while the kids screamed at each other.

But just because we didn't have a planned family outing doesn’t mean our weekend was without excitement: We got a new dishwasher. Yes, I really did jus…