Scarcer Than Toilet Paper

Newsletter 2020-03-30

My family survived another week. Not that we were in any particular danger from the virus. None of us are in the most at-risk categories, and five of the six of us literally never leave the house. But we're definitely a threat to each other, and that danger grows by the day. The kids spent almost two full weeks indoors. For the most part, they played well together, except for when they were trying to kill each other, which was all the time. It turns out horseplay and homicide look a lot alike. More than once, I broke up a life-or-death fight only to find out it was just a game or let a play session go only to discover it was actually class-A physical assault. If you ever see Waffle with a wooden dowel in her hand, run.

Clearly the kids needed to burn off some energy, preferably outdoors where they wouldn’t destroy everything we owned. Unfortunately, in addition to the plague, we also had an entire week of rain since God thought it would be cute to run two apocalypses at once. Wednesday…