Someone Hit My New Van

Newsletter 2021-09-27

Somebody hit my brand new van. Was it you? At this point, everyone is a suspect. Thursday evening, I noticed two deep dents on the passenger side below the rear window. The van was in the middle school parking lot at the time, but the incident could have happened days or weeks earlier. I don’t often check my van for damage because I usually assume no one attacked it while I was away. Rookie mistake. The source of the dents is a total mystery. My first guess was that someone hit the side of my van with their car door, but the impressions are too high. Also, there’s no damage on the lower part of the panel, which actually sticks out farther than the part that’s dented. In order to create that unique pattern of desecration, someone would have had to have done something really unorthodox, like beaned the side of my van with a fistful of golf balls. What could I possibly have done to deserve that? Lots of things according to all of these newsletters. I should stop writing all of this stuff…