The Bear's New Home

Newsletter 2019-09-01

The bear has a new home—almost. If you'll recall from earlier installments of the bear saga, which is now twice as long as Lord of the Rings and three times as good, I successfully surprised my brother, Harry, with a well-dressed, seven-foot-tall taxidermy bear at his wedding reception. He wasn’t able to take it home with him that day (He’s in the Air Force and was going to be at three different bases in the next month) so the bear came home with me. The plan was for the bear to return to Harry when Harry bought a house, which, knowing Harry, could have occurred any time between the next day and never. Well, it happened: Inspired by the incentive of bear ownership, Harry made an offer on a house. The bear better get packing.

As soon as he made the offer, Harry excitedly sent me a picture of his new living room. Its most noticeable feature? A ceiling two stories tall. Harry’s main criteria in picking a house was that it had enough clearance to fit a massive alpha predator in proper wedd…