The Best (And Most Dangerous) Gift

Newsletter 2021-12-19

Bad ideas have to come from somewhere. Usually, they come from me. My wife and I divide Christmas gift-giving duties equally. She buys 99 percent of the presents for friends, family members, and our own children, and I buy the one gift for the kids that actually matters. The duties become more even than they look when you realize Lola cheats. She asks people what they want rather than just giving them what they really need. That’s how we ended up with ten thousand stuffed animals per child. The day the kids finally outgrow Squishmallows is the day I’ll have to rent a U-Haul to get all their cotton-filled best friends to Goodwill. Or maybe the kids will never outgrow them. It’s possible I’ll need that U-Haul to get those puffy pals to the kids’ first apartments, where they’ll need two extra bedrooms just to store them. Can you still be an animal hoarder if all your animals are stuffed? Anyway, that’s why I don’t ask the kids what they want. Instead, I just get them something truly awes…