The Closet That Shouldn't Exist

Newsletter 2019-02-25

Remember those 600 pounds of IKEA furniture my wife bought last week? If you watched my YouTube video, you certainly do because I repeated the phrase “600 pounds” approximately 1,000 times. A few people proposed turning it into a drinking game, but I know they didn’t follow through because, if they did, they would be dead. My YouTube account still has a zero percent casualty rate, thank you very much. To make our budget work this month, I have to keep lawsuits to a minimum.

But ranting about the furniture was only the first step. At least I assume it was the first step. Full disclosure, I didn’t read any of the instructions. But the second step, I’m guessing, was to carry all that furniture up two flights of stairs to our new third-floor bedroom, where it had to be painstakingly assembled in a process that could destroy our fingers and our marriage. As far as I know, no other married couple has assembled so much furniture without divorcing or committing murder. Together, we were going …