As a Southern Californian that measures trips in time, not miles, I feel for you. The problem with shortcuts is that all Angelenos already know them. At least the vacation itself was great!
Since I'm a mild geneology geek... the easiest way to remember it is that "once removed" means that someone is a generation older or a generation younger than you. "First cousin, second cousin" etc. refers to how many generations back you have to go to find your ancestors who were siblings. So if you're first cousins, your parents were siblings. If you're second cousins, your grandparents were siblings. If you're first cousins once removed, then either the person is the child of your first cousin (if they're a generation younger than you), or the person is first cousins with your own parent (if they're a generation older than you).
So you said, "My girls mainly played with the kids of my oldest cousin and the kids of my youngest aunt"... the former would be their second cousins (assuming by "oldest cousin" you meant a first cousin) and the latter would be their first cousins once removed (because they are your first cousins).
Also, I saw a viral video of some pavement popping up like that, and a car that couldn't stop in time jumping it like a ramp with catastrophic results. I'm glad you weren't one of the unlucky ones driving right over it at the time!
Thanks for explaining! I recently saw a FB reel with a diagram portraying these types of family connections, but your description made it finally "click" in my mind. Remembering who's who when it comes to names/roles of extended family members is something I struggle with even in my mother tongue, hence I really appeciate the way you presented it.
It's "kuzyn" for males and "kuzynka" for females, so not too different. To inform about the number of generations since our parents were siblings, the form is using the numeral and local word "stopień" (being inflected as "stopnia" and meaning depending on the context: level/degree/power), i. e. third cousin would be "kuzyn/ka trzeciego stopnia". Traditionally it was more specified, as the name also underlined the sex of parent's sibling whose children they were, thus naming such people brother/sister "[of] auntie's/uncle's". As for cousin's children or second cousin's parents in my family we typically call the former just cousins (leaving the "stopień/stopnia" thing solely for genealogic tree diagrams) or nephews/nieces, for the latter and grandparents' siblings aunt/uncle, but after a brief check on local forums most Poles simplify alike as they also struggle with understanding these connotations.
Interesting!! I've mastered the terms in English but I hadn't really previously thought to ask how this is handled in other languages (even Spanish, which I kind of speak). I'm sure somewhere out there is a language that goes completely off the rails with an idiosyncratic way of describing all this. :-)
I'm all for simplifying things, especially in everyday conversation. I invited my cousins' kids to call me "Aunt Vivian" even though I'm technically "First Cousin Once Removed Vivian." Aunt captures the spirit of the relationship well enough even if it's not technically accurate. The U.S. South has some tradition, anyway, for honorary "aunt" and "uncle" titles for people who are just close friends of your parents, not true blood relatives, although I think that's sadly less common than it used to be.
Speaking of relationship words, English really needs a generic term for one's offspring that is gender-neutral and not associated with a particular age. You can say "my son" or "my daughter" about your grown children, or you can call them "my child" or "my children," but the latter causes people to think of young children. So then you get people using the tautology "my adult children." We need another word to cover all the bases.
Growing up, any adult that was near my parent's age was called aunt/uncle no matter whether a cousin or not. All kids younger were cousins and I never figured out who was what cousin until I got interested in our family tree when my kids were in high school. The problem is, I haven't kept up with it so don't know if I will get back to the Tree.
My FIL's family had a huge reunion every summer. Everyone had grown up on a farm and so lots of cousins.
When I was dating my husband we visited his hometown. Every other store or business belonged to a relative. I couldn't begin to remember them all.
Yeah the asphalt exploded in the town near me not once but twice. They put 2 signs that said bump next to them and put some gooey black tar on temporarily until they could fix in a day or two. Happened on a Saturday and they are short 12 people working for the county. Good thing it was near town and speed limit 45. Of course going over bump speed limit was 10. Lol. Atlanta is like your Chicago. I will not go near Atlanta!
I have never understood how folks who live or work in Chicago manage all that awful congested traffic. It scares me to death. We had to drive to it, past it, or through it on many trips when our kids were playing in ball tourneys back in the day and there were times I feared we'd never make it. MrP used to say "just go to sleep" but I never could sleep while traveling in a car.
That being said, how fortunate you are to have such a large family that loves to get together! They eventually turn into gatherings for funerals so every trip in which you have to fight the traffic to see those various levels of cousins is definitely worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, the traffic was just as bad in the 70's as in your story. We lived in a western suburb of Chicago and my MIL lived in northern Indiana. Whenever we went to visit her for a weekend we either took off work at noon on Friday or didn't leave until Saturday morning to get there. Coming home was the opposite, leave Valpo before 10am Sunday morning or get up very early on Monday morning and drive back to IL and go to work. That meant making sure we had our work clothes with us. I remember our car got a flat on the I 94 near Gary. My husband refused to stop until we could get off and get to a certain church's parking lot. He felt safer there, I didn't, but that didn't matter. So I cannot say the "Old Days" were better.
I get it with the family diagram. With somewhere between 200-300 relatives on my Dad's side (Dad and 11 sisters, 10 of whom had children, who had children, etc.), we use a simple numerical outline in our family database. Parents (who were born during the first 40 years of the 1900's) are the first number, then children in age order, spouses annotated, etc. As my Dad's oldest with no children of my own, I am 9.1. My next oldest sibling is 9.2 with my SIL as 9.2-S, and his kids are 9.2.1 and 9.2.2. We've used this system for nearly 50 years and it's really worked for us. Of course, it's only a good as the hard work some of my cousins continue to put in to keep it updated!
Not everyone slept at the house, and the place was pretty big, so we had enough room. They have a finished basement, which is where all the children are banished to at night.
The road right in front of my house suffered a smaller version of that during a heat wave several years ago. It wasn’t bad enough to actually stop traffic, so the ridge in the pavement became a speed bump—for two years.
If you're around Indy, take 74 over to 39, then go north. If you're up in the South Bend area, then your only option is to take more rural roads if you don't want the I-80 nightmare unless you drop south and hit 30 to I-80 and take it over to 39 (55 still takes you too close to Chicago). If you're in between, then Route 24 over to 39 through the bazillion flipping little towns is actually quicker than going around Chicago. Source - animal rescue transport driver who goes all over the Midwest when necessary and hates Chicagoland like the plague.
I use an app called Waze that is really great about rerouting you if the traffic is bad.
As a Southern Californian that measures trips in time, not miles, I feel for you. The problem with shortcuts is that all Angelenos already know them. At least the vacation itself was great!
Since I'm a mild geneology geek... the easiest way to remember it is that "once removed" means that someone is a generation older or a generation younger than you. "First cousin, second cousin" etc. refers to how many generations back you have to go to find your ancestors who were siblings. So if you're first cousins, your parents were siblings. If you're second cousins, your grandparents were siblings. If you're first cousins once removed, then either the person is the child of your first cousin (if they're a generation younger than you), or the person is first cousins with your own parent (if they're a generation older than you).
So you said, "My girls mainly played with the kids of my oldest cousin and the kids of my youngest aunt"... the former would be their second cousins (assuming by "oldest cousin" you meant a first cousin) and the latter would be their first cousins once removed (because they are your first cousins).
Also, I saw a viral video of some pavement popping up like that, and a car that couldn't stop in time jumping it like a ramp with catastrophic results. I'm glad you weren't one of the unlucky ones driving right over it at the time!
This is the simplest explanation I've ever heard. I think I finally understand. Thanks!
Thanks for explaining! I recently saw a FB reel with a diagram portraying these types of family connections, but your description made it finally "click" in my mind. Remembering who's who when it comes to names/roles of extended family members is something I struggle with even in my mother tongue, hence I really appeciate the way you presented it.
What is Polish for "cousin"? :-)
It's "kuzyn" for males and "kuzynka" for females, so not too different. To inform about the number of generations since our parents were siblings, the form is using the numeral and local word "stopień" (being inflected as "stopnia" and meaning depending on the context: level/degree/power), i. e. third cousin would be "kuzyn/ka trzeciego stopnia". Traditionally it was more specified, as the name also underlined the sex of parent's sibling whose children they were, thus naming such people brother/sister "[of] auntie's/uncle's". As for cousin's children or second cousin's parents in my family we typically call the former just cousins (leaving the "stopień/stopnia" thing solely for genealogic tree diagrams) or nephews/nieces, for the latter and grandparents' siblings aunt/uncle, but after a brief check on local forums most Poles simplify alike as they also struggle with understanding these connotations.
Interesting!! I've mastered the terms in English but I hadn't really previously thought to ask how this is handled in other languages (even Spanish, which I kind of speak). I'm sure somewhere out there is a language that goes completely off the rails with an idiosyncratic way of describing all this. :-)
I'm all for simplifying things, especially in everyday conversation. I invited my cousins' kids to call me "Aunt Vivian" even though I'm technically "First Cousin Once Removed Vivian." Aunt captures the spirit of the relationship well enough even if it's not technically accurate. The U.S. South has some tradition, anyway, for honorary "aunt" and "uncle" titles for people who are just close friends of your parents, not true blood relatives, although I think that's sadly less common than it used to be.
Speaking of relationship words, English really needs a generic term for one's offspring that is gender-neutral and not associated with a particular age. You can say "my son" or "my daughter" about your grown children, or you can call them "my child" or "my children," but the latter causes people to think of young children. So then you get people using the tautology "my adult children." We need another word to cover all the bases.
Growing up, any adult that was near my parent's age was called aunt/uncle no matter whether a cousin or not. All kids younger were cousins and I never figured out who was what cousin until I got interested in our family tree when my kids were in high school. The problem is, I haven't kept up with it so don't know if I will get back to the Tree.
My FIL's family had a huge reunion every summer. Everyone had grown up on a farm and so lots of cousins.
When I was dating my husband we visited his hometown. Every other store or business belonged to a relative. I couldn't begin to remember them all.
Some family trees are more like forests. I've been lost in the woods for ages.
Google maps messes with my routes, too...aggravating.
Coming from of family with 9 aunts and uncles I too have often thought that name tags with relationship information would be helpful.
The memories the girls will have will be nothing but good ones, so that they can take their kids on exploding road trips!
Yeah the asphalt exploded in the town near me not once but twice. They put 2 signs that said bump next to them and put some gooey black tar on temporarily until they could fix in a day or two. Happened on a Saturday and they are short 12 people working for the county. Good thing it was near town and speed limit 45. Of course going over bump speed limit was 10. Lol. Atlanta is like your Chicago. I will not go near Atlanta!
I've heard Atlanta has worse traffic than Chicago. I'm too scared to think about what that means.
I have never understood how folks who live or work in Chicago manage all that awful congested traffic. It scares me to death. We had to drive to it, past it, or through it on many trips when our kids were playing in ball tourneys back in the day and there were times I feared we'd never make it. MrP used to say "just go to sleep" but I never could sleep while traveling in a car.
That being said, how fortunate you are to have such a large family that loves to get together! They eventually turn into gatherings for funerals so every trip in which you have to fight the traffic to see those various levels of cousins is definitely worth it.
Too true about the funerals. Family is a finite resource. You should treasure it while you have it.
If it makes you feel any better, the traffic was just as bad in the 70's as in your story. We lived in a western suburb of Chicago and my MIL lived in northern Indiana. Whenever we went to visit her for a weekend we either took off work at noon on Friday or didn't leave until Saturday morning to get there. Coming home was the opposite, leave Valpo before 10am Sunday morning or get up very early on Monday morning and drive back to IL and go to work. That meant making sure we had our work clothes with us. I remember our car got a flat on the I 94 near Gary. My husband refused to stop until we could get off and get to a certain church's parking lot. He felt safer there, I didn't, but that didn't matter. So I cannot say the "Old Days" were better.
Getting a flat there would be a nightmare. I think I'd also keep driving. I'd have to throw away my car and get a new one.
I get it with the family diagram. With somewhere between 200-300 relatives on my Dad's side (Dad and 11 sisters, 10 of whom had children, who had children, etc.), we use a simple numerical outline in our family database. Parents (who were born during the first 40 years of the 1900's) are the first number, then children in age order, spouses annotated, etc. As my Dad's oldest with no children of my own, I am 9.1. My next oldest sibling is 9.2 with my SIL as 9.2-S, and his kids are 9.2.1 and 9.2.2. We've used this system for nearly 50 years and it's really worked for us. Of course, it's only a good as the hard work some of my cousins continue to put in to keep it updated!
That's an incredible system! That sort of solution sharing is exactly what the Internet is for
Exploding asphalt sounds absolutely terrifying! I know this is a humor letter but ... DID anyone actually hit it?
You also make no mention of sleeping arrangements? But truly, you have one amazing family.
Not everyone slept at the house, and the place was pretty big, so we had enough room. They have a finished basement, which is where all the children are banished to at night.
Silly man, you can't avoid Chicago while traveling in the Midwest. That's the law!!! 🤣🤣🤣
The road right in front of my house suffered a smaller version of that during a heat wave several years ago. It wasn’t bad enough to actually stop traffic, so the ridge in the pavement became a speed bump—for two years.
Also take 80 over to 51 north. That’ll help skip the city.
We ended up doing 74, but it's the same idea. I worried that 80 was too close to Chicago. I'll have to give it a try.
I-80 has been under construction, so it's a mess. When it's not, it's not too bad. https://www.gettingaroundillinois.com/RoadConstruction/index.html
If you're around Indy, take 74 over to 39, then go north. If you're up in the South Bend area, then your only option is to take more rural roads if you don't want the I-80 nightmare unless you drop south and hit 30 to I-80 and take it over to 39 (55 still takes you too close to Chicago). If you're in between, then Route 24 over to 39 through the bazillion flipping little towns is actually quicker than going around Chicago. Source - animal rescue transport driver who goes all over the Midwest when necessary and hates Chicagoland like the plague.
You nailed it! We did 74 to 39. I'll never go up 65 again.
Wave next time you go from 74 to 39... ;)