The Final Bear Showdown [BEAR SAGA TURNING POINT]

Newsletter 2019-03-18

This is the story of bears won and bears lost and bears rolling around in the back of a minivan in a race across Michigan in the pouring rain as the fate of a marriage hinged on a pie. If that doesn't sound like the kind of story you want to hear, by all means close this email and read something less intense, like the instruction manual for a new piece of Tupperware. Spoiler alert: The lid doesn't go where you think. But if you're in the mood for adventure, poor decision making, and a slow-moving Ford Focus upon which I have sworn revenge to my dying day, then by all means read on—but first make sure there's nobody sitting near you. I don't want to be held responsible if you get too excited and involuntarily punch someone. Maybe just sit on your hands or something.

 As with any tale worth telling, this one starts with devastating heartbreak: I lost the perfect bear. It was tall and proud and posed in exactly the kind of stance that says, “I'm here to ruin this wedding and I don't care …