The Greatest Wedding of All Time

Newsletter 2021-07-04

I love weddings. No, I'm not a hopeless romantic (although I am hopeless, but that's another story). Instead, I love weddings because they're the best parties on the planet. It’s the only place where everyone from the age of one to ninety-one can cut loose on the dance floor without inhibition or judgement. (If you’re ninety-two, I’m sorry but you’ll have to stay home.) Forget wild raves in trendy nightclubs and classy moonlight soirees on Mediterranean yachts. Give me a Catholic wedding reception any day of the week. Actually, only give it to me on Saturdays because, any other day, I can’t afford to wake up with a hangover the next morning. Last weekend, I went to a wedding in the ruralest part of rural Iowa, and it had everything that makes life worth living: pouring rain, alcohol, and TWO bounce houses. I dare you to mix those three things together and not have fun. In fact, the only thing the wedding lacked was a giant taxidermy bear dressed in a tuxedo. The best man let us all do…