The Most Harrowing Drive of My Life

Newsletter 2018-12-16

Not to brag, but I'm a pretty great driver. None of the four accidents I’ve been in were my fault. Seriously, the cops showed up each time and officially blamed someone other than me. In fact, those crashes might be the only things in my life that aren’t my fault. It feels good to be blameless for a change.

In the first accident, the cops blamed the lady who rear-ended me. In the second, they blamed the snow, which caused me to fishtail and then slide off into a snowbank. In Indiana, slide-offs are considered an act of God, so I blame a higher power. That guy has always been out to get me. In the third accident, the sheriff’s office blamed the teenager who veered out of control and came shooting across my lane. She was driving a 1970 International, an old pick-up truck built with more steel than a standard battleship. The crash totaled my car but barely dented hers. When my kids are sixteen, I know what they’ll be driving.

The fourth crash happened a month after my other car was totaled…