The Mystery Parade

Newsletter 2024-07-04

I’m at war with a parade. I choose my enemies carefully. I mainly go for the ones that can’t fight back. The parade in question is the one here on the Fourth of July. There’s nothing special or especially egregious about it. That’s one problem. My town acts like it’s a significant cultural event. That sentence encapsulates the broader issue. It’s not really my town. I’ll forever be an outsider, doomed not to understand this mediocre march/drive down a few residential streets. It’s the ultimate dividing line between us and them. On a holiday dedicated to bringing Americans together, this parade is driving my family apart. My kids, who have never lived anywhere else, are the new locals. My wife and I, who moved here by choice as young adults, are the confused immigrants, forever asking the next generation what’s going on. Whenever I’m on one side of something and everyone else is on the other, the problem is clearly everyone else. Here’s why my entire community is wrong about this stupid parade. I’ve written a lot of terrible things in my life, but this might be the first newsletter that actually gets me exiled.