The Scream Heard Through Two Walls

Newsletter 2019-04-01

If you scroll past the usual weekly newsletter, you'll find the first four chapters of Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child. I pondered sending out that huge chunk of text as a separate email, but I worried I would cause a riot if I emailed you a second time. Even my wife doesn’t like hearing from me twice in one week. Besides, the true purpose of this email list isn’t to keep you updated on my life; it’s to give you an excuse to put off work first thing Monday morning. With these four chapters, you could look busy at your desk while actually accomplishing nothing well into Monday afternoon. I’m taking down the system one unproductive worker at a time.

I thought this was a good week to send out these chapters because we seemed on track to avoid any Waffle-related disasters. Betsy caught Waffle with scissors in her hands, narrowly preventing Waffle from turning this email into a sequel of last week. I was tempted to shave off the rest of Waffle’s ha…