The Spider Bag

Newsletter 2024-02-022

I am neither a cruel parent nor an overly strict one. My kids have noticed. As I often point out, I only have two rules in this house: Pick up your stuff, and don’t touch each other. The girls ignore both of them. I failed to establish the baseline of fear necessary for any well-functioning dictatorship. If I have to repeat myself one more time, I’ll keep repeating myself because there’s no enforcement mechanism after that. At least there didn’t used to be. Then, the internet came to the rescue. A reader in a Substack discussion thread suggested a solution so clever that I couldn’t help but implement it myself. Most of it, anyway. Their idea was full of positive connotations, while I twisted it like Sauron turning kidnapped elves into orcs. It worked. I now have a super effective tool at my disposal that can’t be found in any parenting book. The mere mention of it sends shivers down my children’s spines. Meet the spider bag.