The Three Day Ordeal

Newsletter 2018-12-09

Not to brag, but I kept four kids, two pigs, and one dog alive while my wife was gone for three days. The reason I’m not bragging is I didn’t tell you how many kids, pigs, and dogs I started with. Survival is overrated. 

Lola spent the middle of last week in Boston because she has a real job with real responsibilities. I treated her absence as an experiment to see whether or not I could raise the kids on my own. I don't anticipate ever having to be a single parent, but nobody ever expects it. You never know when your spouse will accidentally be frozen in carbonite or sent on a mission to Mars lasting five to seven years. Keep your hands off her, NASA. She’s the only person I have to drink with on Saturday nights.

In theory, the transition from two parents to one shouldn’t have been too jarring since I already do my fair share. I'd like to think Lola and I are a modern, progressive couple as far as how we divide up household duties. At various times, we each make the argument that we’re …