The Underground Meltdown

Newsletter 2023-03-31

There's no good spot for a freak-out, but there are some especially bad ones. Before this weekend, the worst I could imagine was being 50,000 feet in the air in a thin metal tube surrounded by other people waiting to judge me and possibly throw me out if I couldn't get my kids to calm down. It was a nightmare scenario but also a money-saving one since the mere possibility of it is my perpetual excuse to get out of taking my kids to Disney World. A close second to that hypothetical disaster would be a meltdown on a submarine. I mean a behavioral meltdown, not a nuclear one, although I suppose a bad enough temper tantrum could be both. We avoided that situation when my ten-year-old refused to get on the U-boat at the Museum of Science and Industry. It was a near miss. I can't say the same about the story that follows.

I know now that there's a freak-out scenario worse than in the air or underwater, and we just went through it. Imagine that you're deep underground below eighty solid feet of limestone while also being on a narrow bridge twenty feet above either murky water or a bottomless chasm. In the dim light of the lantern, it's impossible to tell which. Oh, and there's a whole group of people stuck with you, single-file, with no easy way for anyone to get in or out. That's right: This crisis scenario has heights, water, claustrophobia, and the judgment of others all rolled into one. If we were playing phobia bingo, this is the point where you would stand up and claim your prize. That terrifying situation is what we went through Wednesday. This is that tale.