The Wedding I'm About To Ruin [THE START OF THE BEAR SAGA]

Newsletter 2019-02-11

May he who has never been disowned by his family for trying to buy the most inappropriate wedding gift of all time cast the first stone. Actually, don't. Some of you guys look like you have pretty good aim. At least wait for me to put on a helmet.

And now, having learned exactly nothing from the last time I almost ruined a wedding, I’m getting ready to do it all again.

But first, some back story. A long, long time ago in the ancient year of 2012 A.D., one of my many brothers was about to get married. I felt the occasion deserved to be commemorated, so I wrote a blog post about my plan to buy the perfect gift. For those of you who weren’t alive back then, a blog was a place where you talked to yourself on the internet because if you did it out loud you had to get medicated. This article will set up all the shenanigans that follow. Before you read it, understand that I wrote it at a time when I had virtually no audience. I had not yet established myself as a paragon of harmless family hum…