The Worst Pain of My Life

Newsletter 2022-05-03

I don't often get sick. I should qualify that. I spend about a third of the year with a head cold, which isn’t unexpected since I’m raising four human petri dishes. The world’s deadliest germ warfare lab is just an average elementary school. But I almost never come down with anything serious enough to keep me home. I just show up to work and blow my nose all day, filling the office with what sounds like the sonorous mating call of a bull moose. I assume my co-workers find the noise comforting, although a suspiciously high percentage of them wear earplugs.

Showing up no matter what is a habit I picked up in school, where I didn’t miss a day of class between fourth grade and my senior year of high school. What did I get for being there every single day, even when I clearly put myself and my classmates at risk? Absolutely nothing. I can’t even prove I showed up every day because schools don’t keep pointless records going that far back. I may or may not have called to check.

You can underst…