Three Christmases, One Attempted Murder

Newsletter 2018-12-30

If you do something right the first time, you don’t have to do it again. This year, we did Christmas three times. Over the last week, we celebrated with Lola’s parent, my parents, and on our own in a rolling series of gift exchanges that saw my kids gain roughly 10,000 new toys. We have no place to put any of them. Maybe we should rent a storage unit. That’s where we’ll live. The toys will fill the house.

The Christmas at my in-laws was the most orderly. They took turns, with everybody opening one gift at a time. Talk about pressure. Everybody looks at you to see how you react. Did you muster exactly the right level of enthusiasm for that pair of socks? Too little enthusiasm and the gift-giver will be disappointed, but too much and they’ll think you’re a psychopath. When it comes to sock smiles, there’s a fine line between happy and creepy. Tow that line or be doomed to a lifetime of cold feet.

The Christmas at our house was the most laid back. Lola got the kids a bunch of doll accessor…