Top Ten Tips for a Perfect (and Free) Mother's Day

Newsletter 2021-05-09

Mother’s Day applies to everyone. You either are a mother, or you have one. Yes, even clones, who are just copies of an original person who, presumably, had a mom. On the off chance you’re some kind of original lab-grown person not based on anyone, the evil scientist who created you counts as your mother. Adjust accordingly. As for people whose mothers have passed away, you’re not off the hook, either. You have to impress your mom not just on Mother’s Day but every other day as well since she’s watching you around the clock from heaven. And, yes, all mothers go to heaven. Are you aware of what they go through to push out a baby? There’s no sin in the world that’s powerful enough to cancel out a good deed of that magnitude. Not even watching your shared Netflix series without you.

Now that we’ve established that, one way or another, Mother’s Day is your problem, it’s time to figure out how to solve it. Luckily, I did all the figuring for you. The biggest mistake you can make is to buy s…