Waffle Saves the Day

Newsletter 2020-03-16

Slow news week.

I wish. Everything is shutting down as the world falls apart, and the worst part is I have to watch my own kids while it happens. We got the call Thursday that our kids’ school district is closing until early April. That includes two weeks of e-learning where they’ll do their assignments on their school-issued tablets and one week of spring break, when my wife will try to keep them entertained for a full seven days after they’ve already destroyed my house and everything in it over the previous fourteen. It was a mistake to ever let them come inside. I should have raised outdoor children.

I’m proud to report I didn’t panic-buy any toilet paper, although I might need to if our bigger pig, Gilly, keeps unraveling our existing rolls. Pigs are basically cats made of ham. The first day when everything shut down, every grocery store in the area was packed with people buying survival supplies, which apparently were limited to bread and bathroom tissue. I checked one grocery stor…