What My Pig Did to the New Minivan

Newsletter 2019-04-29

I started the day with two pigs. Then my wife took one of them for a ride. Everything was in doubt after that.

But this story actually starts weeks before that fateful ride. Lately, our youngest pig, Luna, has been exhibiting an odd new behavior. The other day, my kids ran into my office and told me Luna was trying to jump on Gilly. Gilly is three times bigger than Luna, so Luna was only able to get her front legs on Gilly’s back. She then followed Gilly around the room like she was the tail end of a conga line. As I’m sure you recognize, there was no dancing going on here. This was a botched reproductive act performed by two very confused female pigs. It was time to get Luna fixed.

With Gilly already fixed and both pigs lacking male reproductive organs, the risk of a surprise litter of baby pigs was virtually zero. I say “virtually” because with pigs, anything is possible. Gilly was actually conceived when a boar jumped a fence and impregnated every female pig on that farm, creating th…