Why My Neighbor Threatened to Call the Police

Newsletter 2018-12-02

Before I explain why a neighbor wanted to call the police on us, you have to understand something about my dog: He’s very dumb. Niko was not bred to herd livestock or sniff out drugs or rescue kids from wells. He was bred to be small and not shed, and neither goal requires much intelligence. Most days, he just stares at us with a vacant expression and occasionally lets us know we’re not petting him enough. He doesn’t do much, but he’s good at what he does. He’s living his best life.

But Niko’s idyllic existence has a downside: A few times a day, he has to go outside. I’m too lazy to open and close the door every time he has to go out—I get up enough times for my kids—so years ago I installed doggy doors. Niko and the pigs can enter and leave the house as they please, first through a flap that leads from my office to an enclosed back porch, and then through an opening that leads from the back porch to the yard. Niko goes in and out to do his business, always taking special care to pick …