There are at least two grammatical errors here but I’ll let them pass as you are debilitated. As to your knee pain, don’t dismiss the possibility of a blood clot. You’ve had too many sieges of impaired mobility in too short a time span and sitting for extended periods is only a little better than lieing down, or maybe it’s worse. Congratulations on your productivity for the day but at least keep your feet elevated, consider compression socks (there are cute ones so you won’t feel like an old fart) and check with your surgeon’s office or PCP if this continues.
At the risk of escaping chair jail and losing concentration, try to be weight-bearing at least every 20 minutes; walk to the fridge and back? You're getting lots of unsolicited medical advice here already..
First, get checked for always being cold (unless you're writing with the heat off and the windows open in a snowstorm.) I ignored it and ended up in the hospital with sepsis. You just had surgery and hospitals are full of sick people. And germs we don't want to know about. Seriously. Go.
Also, I learned to knit socks after major surgery and I (finally) finished The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Just an idea for next time.
By describing your chair jail and by what's in the last paragraph, you've pictured exactly my way of self-control applied in order to do my homework/studying. I too struggle with distractions offered by the tabs or games, as well as the urge to procrastinate. To prevent it, I lock my phone inside my cupboard and keep my PC off, focusing on doing my tasks on laptop.
"Chair jail" is also called technical writing. Sitting in endless meetings that wouldn't even be worth an email, endless working through the software to see how it really works as opposed to how the software engineers think it works, writing and taking screenshots, endless requirements meetings... 🙄
It's a wonder that I can even walk anymore. My body should be a permanent L-shape. 😆
Get well soon on all fronts, James! This past week I had a deadline and had to be in chair jail myself. It is a singular situation, both loving and hating writing. I get it. I remember the quote, "I hate to write, but I love having written." Or something like that. Touché. Writing injuries are not new to me, either, so you're not alone. Back, neck, you name it. And I hate to tell you this, but when you get to be my age you also get sleeping injuries that you just wake up with. Those are sobering... ;-)
I was worried last week that you weren't going to tell more on how you injured your knee writing. Having now heard the story, I must say that as you age (I'm mid 60's) you find that injuring yourself is not hard to do. If I sit for any length of time, my knees hurt. They don't like being bent. They don't like being straight either. Knees are just annoying like that.
The fun part is being told by an orthopedic surgeon that it's not a matter of if I will need knee replacement. It's a matter of when. Something to look forward to, I guess. Or maybe not.
There is a motto about the medical field that a doctor's specialty drives the diagnoses. Of course the orthopedic surgeon imagines everyone needing knee replacement(s) if one lives long enough. My grandparents lived to 78, 80, 92 & 93; my father almost made it to 90; my mother is 92. None ever had a knee replacement and most were still walking at time of death.
I think your ortho surgeon is thinking of buying a second house.
P.S. I'm 66, walk, hike, ski, run and play on the floor with the grandkids, and put my knees to the test every day with exercises. Hoping to make it to 100 with the joints I was born with.
Hahaha, you captured the dread I feel before an empty screen. I have a grant proposal I need to get cracking on this week. I don’t need any more damage to my knees, because mine were also badly compromised back when I was running by the fact of being female. I just finished a six day course of steroids to knock out a sinus infection. Last Wednesday might’ve been just the time to start, with that jolt of energy, but I was still feeling pretty crummy. I have agreed to gallery sit at a show that won’t have any visitors this afternoon, so my best strategy is to adopt yours--no other screens, phone out of reach. Wish me luck.
Here's the hard part. When I sat down to write, I realized there were a couple more pressing deadlines--actually, three, no, four--that I had to tackle first. Three down, one to go, and my husband has to throw some kind of dinner together.
That's what I get for starting my "writing career" on the junior high newspaper at the age of 13--a highly developed sense of procrastination and brinksmanship. My grandmother Lucy Emerson was the editor of the weekly Angola Herald, a pretty lone Democrat in a stalwart Republican stronghold in northeastern Indiana. I loved using her home typewriter to peck out whatever on yellow copy paper, and I know now she had to be far more disciplined than I became. That newspaper was set by Linotype operators in a dimly lit, infernally hot and loud room. She couldn't claim as I did today when my copy due at 6 pm was actually done by 4 pm but I couldn't email it from my iPad or my laptop till I drove home.
I mean, I feel bad laughing at you - but it's not really "at you" because it's all so relatable and real! From the loving to write yet hating to write, the staring off into space almost as sport, and the random aches and jolts of pain that come from sitting too long - like wtf, would we have made it as cave people?! I sadly say no, we wouldn't have - I can't even sleep on a hard mattress at a sub-par Airbnb without lasting back pain. I do respect your ability to place your phone far away from you and either write or do nothing - two writer goals I have! Oh, and being published too, that would be cool. Congrats on your sequel. Good read as always James!
Never feel bad for laughing at me. I'd feel even worse if I went through all that pain for nothing. I agree that I also wouldn't have made it as a cave person. It's amazing that we survived as a species.
You really have had a year haven’t you? As someone who bought the Chosen before you begged and pleaded I’m thrilled that you’re writing the sequel. As someone who is now retired I can admit I HATED deadlines. They exist for a purpose but nothing like a little pressure to keep you from doing something. Nowadays I’m the only one handing myself deadlines. For instance, I MUST finish cleaning the backyard before I can drive down to see my sister. Easy peasy except that over the years I turned my plain big back yard into a yards with several gardens, groves and a pond (all dug by hand BTW). Years ago I was told I would regret making such a paradise when I got older and I ignored that sound reasoning. I reached that day this year. Normally by now I’ve cleaned everything from the winter’s destruction but this year I’ve still a few things to do. And I don’t wanna (picture me being 3). Next year I will be forced to hire someone to clean under my supervision, God help them. Anyway, as usual, I digress. I should be doing laundry, finishing the yard and working on my 17 room dollhouse I made from scratch. But nope, here I am. In all serious though, I’d have that always cold thing checked out, sepsis and blood clots are read and honestly, you don’t need something else to break. Lola will start applications for your replacements. Feel better. Write the damn book so I can read it.
I have a tip that can solve all your problems: write a book. When you're procrastinating on that, you'll eagerly do every chore in your house (and yard). Or just get pigs. They'll destroy your yard and you won' t have anything left to clean. I have two fine specimens I an loan you.
Ah, another model builder. I had to finally give up a 50+ year hobby of building scale model planes. I respect any model builder, no matter the subject. We all use the same techniques and materials.
I'd love to hear a little more about your pond, too. I'm putting together a little wildlife sanctuary in my backyard. Native plants, an area of prairie, etc.
Because I want everything made from scratch it’s taking me all my years of learning different crafts to make this monster, LOL. The pond is a long story. Let me sum it up, steep hills do not make great pond positions. But it’s all I had. I dug where I had to and built a mountain of rocks to handle the slope side. Actually it all started when I made a small fountain and my son said “come on mom, you can do better than that.” Three more of those and I have a decent size pond, fish and all. He want’s it bigger, he can dig. LOL
I'm looking at a small watering hole for birds and insects with an aerator or small fountain for oxygenation. Bacillus thuringiensis (Bt), frogs, and guppies to keep the mosquito larvae out. I expect to pull the guppies out in Fall, as I have plenty of small aquaria to winter them over.
Would you consider trading emails so we can take this off of poor, long-suffering James' comment thread? 😆
I heart your columns too much to continue supporting this physical insanity for much longer. I hope you can get back to entertaining yet terrifying True Tales of Waffle instead of the self-abuse of the past year. :)
You could have, but then we'd have had no idea who or what got hurt. It's so ambiguous as to also meaning feelings. Maybe someone just said something accurately rude about you.
Besides, given your recent medical mishaps, there would just be a string of OUCHes and who's going to read that, much less pay for the privilege of brevity. Thanks for your response. It's always nice to know that one is being heard.
You are a brilliant comedic writer. However, you are not completely unique in your ability to hurt yourself doing practically nothing. About a month or so after my 30th birthday, I was walking down a sidewalk with a friend to go to lunch. Suddenly, and without the help of even a mild imperfection in said sidewalk, the inside of my left knee became very painful. Like yours, the pain did not go away. It was later diagnosed as a cartilage tear in the medial meniscus. I still don’t know exactly what that is. As this was over 40 years ago, and laser surgery had not yet appeared, the doc told me to grin and bear it. About 4 years later, when the new technique allowed it to be performed in a completely new way that would not result in weeks of immobility and Gayle Sayers in the movie Brian’s Song levels of rehab, he fixed it as best he could. I wish you the best in your multiple recovery efforts.
I feel this in my soul. You'd probably take a million steps in your life by that point. Why was that one step on perfectly level ground different? Because our bodies hate us. You'd think they'd be on our side. Guess not.
Oh, James! You never cease to amaze me. I hurt myself, too doing something quite ordinary and I was two weeks unable to get up. In my defense, I’m way older than you. Unfortunately, my ex is older than me and he runs marathons. I hope you find a way to write without hurting yourself in the process, because I enjoy your newsletters and I’m even pondering about buying your book. The sentence that got stuck in my brain is “With luck I'll finish my sentence in time to meet the deadline”. Sounds funny, ominous and definitely phantasmagorical. 🤣 🙃 you are a hoot even after losing your dignity. I’m not sure I could ever be that funny in my second language. Get well soon, but not that soon you get distracted by having a life.
Lol, I have the same hope. If I heal too quickly, I'll be back out in the world getting distracted. Better to stay injured for just a little longer for the sake of productivity.
As you age, it's only going to get worse. (Yeah, something to look forward to.) I'm in my early 70's now and can injure myself while sleeping, sneezing, reaching, and getting out of bed. I've only had two major surgeries, but one, possibly two, are looming on the horizon. Hope you feel better soon, and try not to injure yourself again.
I have a physical job and mostly-physical hobbies. When I sit down, I surf online or play games on my phone, and often get much less sleep than I should. However, I usually get by on 4 hours rest per day, and am able to power nap and consume large amounts of caffeine and sugar for energy and wakefulness.
I got by on four to five hours sleep for a lot of years when I was still getting my writing career up and going. I probably shaved a few years off my life, but look what I have to show for it. Actually, don't. Now, I sleep six, which is less than most people but more than enough for me. If you can sleep four and stay healthy and well rested, I say go for it. You get two to four more hours a day than anyone else. That's basically a super power.
Thanks - that's a good way to look at it. Years of working second, third, and multiple successive jobs per day, as well as living alone, have predisposed me to sleeplessness. I feel reassured by yet another who doesn't get the oft-recommended eight hours of sleep per day.
There are at least two grammatical errors here but I’ll let them pass as you are debilitated. As to your knee pain, don’t dismiss the possibility of a blood clot. You’ve had too many sieges of impaired mobility in too short a time span and sitting for extended periods is only a little better than lieing down, or maybe it’s worse. Congratulations on your productivity for the day but at least keep your feet elevated, consider compression socks (there are cute ones so you won’t feel like an old fart) and check with your surgeon’s office or PCP if this continues.
Signed - Dr Mom
Thanks for the warning. I keep my feet elevated in my new chair jail, so hopefully I'll be okay.
At the risk of escaping chair jail and losing concentration, try to be weight-bearing at least every 20 minutes; walk to the fridge and back? You're getting lots of unsolicited medical advice here already..
This is what I came here to say! I immediately worried about a blood clot.
Same thought here! Check for DVT.
First, get checked for always being cold (unless you're writing with the heat off and the windows open in a snowstorm.) I ignored it and ended up in the hospital with sepsis. You just had surgery and hospitals are full of sick people. And germs we don't want to know about. Seriously. Go.
Also, I learned to knit socks after major surgery and I (finally) finished The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Just an idea for next time.
I was cold before surgery. I think it has to do with carrying around less body fat these days. Better to be safe than sorry though.
By describing your chair jail and by what's in the last paragraph, you've pictured exactly my way of self-control applied in order to do my homework/studying. I too struggle with distractions offered by the tabs or games, as well as the urge to procrastinate. To prevent it, I lock my phone inside my cupboard and keep my PC off, focusing on doing my tasks on laptop.
Sounds like you discovered chair jail long before I did. You should have told me!
"Chair jail" is also called technical writing. Sitting in endless meetings that wouldn't even be worth an email, endless working through the software to see how it really works as opposed to how the software engineers think it works, writing and taking screenshots, endless requirements meetings... 🙄
It's a wonder that I can even walk anymore. My body should be a permanent L-shape. 😆
Hilarious!
Get well soon on all fronts, James! This past week I had a deadline and had to be in chair jail myself. It is a singular situation, both loving and hating writing. I get it. I remember the quote, "I hate to write, but I love having written." Or something like that. Touché. Writing injuries are not new to me, either, so you're not alone. Back, neck, you name it. And I hate to tell you this, but when you get to be my age you also get sleeping injuries that you just wake up with. Those are sobering... ;-)
I've had a few sleeping injuries, but nothing too bad - yet. Oh, the things I have to look forward to.
The best is yet to come! :-0 Seriously, though, I hope all this surgery bs is behind you and you have smooth sailing ahead health-wise.
I was worried last week that you weren't going to tell more on how you injured your knee writing. Having now heard the story, I must say that as you age (I'm mid 60's) you find that injuring yourself is not hard to do. If I sit for any length of time, my knees hurt. They don't like being bent. They don't like being straight either. Knees are just annoying like that.
The fun part is being told by an orthopedic surgeon that it's not a matter of if I will need knee replacement. It's a matter of when. Something to look forward to, I guess. Or maybe not.
I'm also confused by knees. It's like they want to be replaced. I can't think of any other reason that they would cause so many problems.
There is a motto about the medical field that a doctor's specialty drives the diagnoses. Of course the orthopedic surgeon imagines everyone needing knee replacement(s) if one lives long enough. My grandparents lived to 78, 80, 92 & 93; my father almost made it to 90; my mother is 92. None ever had a knee replacement and most were still walking at time of death.
I think your ortho surgeon is thinking of buying a second house.
P.S. I'm 66, walk, hike, ski, run and play on the floor with the grandkids, and put my knees to the test every day with exercises. Hoping to make it to 100 with the joints I was born with.
Hahaha, you captured the dread I feel before an empty screen. I have a grant proposal I need to get cracking on this week. I don’t need any more damage to my knees, because mine were also badly compromised back when I was running by the fact of being female. I just finished a six day course of steroids to knock out a sinus infection. Last Wednesday might’ve been just the time to start, with that jolt of energy, but I was still feeling pretty crummy. I have agreed to gallery sit at a show that won’t have any visitors this afternoon, so my best strategy is to adopt yours--no other screens, phone out of reach. Wish me luck.
Enjoy the total sensory deprivation. May your stay in screen jail be short!
Here's the hard part. When I sat down to write, I realized there were a couple more pressing deadlines--actually, three, no, four--that I had to tackle first. Three down, one to go, and my husband has to throw some kind of dinner together.
That's what I get for starting my "writing career" on the junior high newspaper at the age of 13--a highly developed sense of procrastination and brinksmanship. My grandmother Lucy Emerson was the editor of the weekly Angola Herald, a pretty lone Democrat in a stalwart Republican stronghold in northeastern Indiana. I loved using her home typewriter to peck out whatever on yellow copy paper, and I know now she had to be far more disciplined than I became. That newspaper was set by Linotype operators in a dimly lit, infernally hot and loud room. She couldn't claim as I did today when my copy due at 6 pm was actually done by 4 pm but I couldn't email it from my iPad or my laptop till I drove home.
Man that sucks. As one who can trip and fall over a shadow, I feel for you. If it makes you feel better, I’ll buy the book! 😁
Yes! Now I have to finish it. Thanks for the added motivation.
I mean, I feel bad laughing at you - but it's not really "at you" because it's all so relatable and real! From the loving to write yet hating to write, the staring off into space almost as sport, and the random aches and jolts of pain that come from sitting too long - like wtf, would we have made it as cave people?! I sadly say no, we wouldn't have - I can't even sleep on a hard mattress at a sub-par Airbnb without lasting back pain. I do respect your ability to place your phone far away from you and either write or do nothing - two writer goals I have! Oh, and being published too, that would be cool. Congrats on your sequel. Good read as always James!
Never feel bad for laughing at me. I'd feel even worse if I went through all that pain for nothing. I agree that I also wouldn't have made it as a cave person. It's amazing that we survived as a species.
You really have had a year haven’t you? As someone who bought the Chosen before you begged and pleaded I’m thrilled that you’re writing the sequel. As someone who is now retired I can admit I HATED deadlines. They exist for a purpose but nothing like a little pressure to keep you from doing something. Nowadays I’m the only one handing myself deadlines. For instance, I MUST finish cleaning the backyard before I can drive down to see my sister. Easy peasy except that over the years I turned my plain big back yard into a yards with several gardens, groves and a pond (all dug by hand BTW). Years ago I was told I would regret making such a paradise when I got older and I ignored that sound reasoning. I reached that day this year. Normally by now I’ve cleaned everything from the winter’s destruction but this year I’ve still a few things to do. And I don’t wanna (picture me being 3). Next year I will be forced to hire someone to clean under my supervision, God help them. Anyway, as usual, I digress. I should be doing laundry, finishing the yard and working on my 17 room dollhouse I made from scratch. But nope, here I am. In all serious though, I’d have that always cold thing checked out, sepsis and blood clots are read and honestly, you don’t need something else to break. Lola will start applications for your replacements. Feel better. Write the damn book so I can read it.
I have a tip that can solve all your problems: write a book. When you're procrastinating on that, you'll eagerly do every chore in your house (and yard). Or just get pigs. They'll destroy your yard and you won' t have anything left to clean. I have two fine specimens I an loan you.
Actually there probably is a book in me about my crazy upbringing but we’ll leaving the writing to you and the crafting to me.
Ah, another model builder. I had to finally give up a 50+ year hobby of building scale model planes. I respect any model builder, no matter the subject. We all use the same techniques and materials.
I'd love to hear a little more about your pond, too. I'm putting together a little wildlife sanctuary in my backyard. Native plants, an area of prairie, etc.
Because I want everything made from scratch it’s taking me all my years of learning different crafts to make this monster, LOL. The pond is a long story. Let me sum it up, steep hills do not make great pond positions. But it’s all I had. I dug where I had to and built a mountain of rocks to handle the slope side. Actually it all started when I made a small fountain and my son said “come on mom, you can do better than that.” Three more of those and I have a decent size pond, fish and all. He want’s it bigger, he can dig. LOL
I'm looking at a small watering hole for birds and insects with an aerator or small fountain for oxygenation. Bacillus thuringiensis (Bt), frogs, and guppies to keep the mosquito larvae out. I expect to pull the guppies out in Fall, as I have plenty of small aquaria to winter them over.
Would you consider trading emails so we can take this off of poor, long-suffering James' comment thread? 😆
I heart your columns too much to continue supporting this physical insanity for much longer. I hope you can get back to entertaining yet terrifying True Tales of Waffle instead of the self-abuse of the past year. :)
Amen to that. It's Waffle's turn for some antics. My body needs a break.
There are so many things I could write but I'm going to go with "OUCH!"
I could have saved 2,000 words and just written that. You nailed the central theme.
You could have, but then we'd have had no idea who or what got hurt. It's so ambiguous as to also meaning feelings. Maybe someone just said something accurately rude about you.
Besides, given your recent medical mishaps, there would just be a string of OUCHes and who's going to read that, much less pay for the privilege of brevity. Thanks for your response. It's always nice to know that one is being heard.
You are a brilliant comedic writer. However, you are not completely unique in your ability to hurt yourself doing practically nothing. About a month or so after my 30th birthday, I was walking down a sidewalk with a friend to go to lunch. Suddenly, and without the help of even a mild imperfection in said sidewalk, the inside of my left knee became very painful. Like yours, the pain did not go away. It was later diagnosed as a cartilage tear in the medial meniscus. I still don’t know exactly what that is. As this was over 40 years ago, and laser surgery had not yet appeared, the doc told me to grin and bear it. About 4 years later, when the new technique allowed it to be performed in a completely new way that would not result in weeks of immobility and Gayle Sayers in the movie Brian’s Song levels of rehab, he fixed it as best he could. I wish you the best in your multiple recovery efforts.
I feel this in my soul. You'd probably take a million steps in your life by that point. Why was that one step on perfectly level ground different? Because our bodies hate us. You'd think they'd be on our side. Guess not.
Oh, James! You never cease to amaze me. I hurt myself, too doing something quite ordinary and I was two weeks unable to get up. In my defense, I’m way older than you. Unfortunately, my ex is older than me and he runs marathons. I hope you find a way to write without hurting yourself in the process, because I enjoy your newsletters and I’m even pondering about buying your book. The sentence that got stuck in my brain is “With luck I'll finish my sentence in time to meet the deadline”. Sounds funny, ominous and definitely phantasmagorical. 🤣 🙃 you are a hoot even after losing your dignity. I’m not sure I could ever be that funny in my second language. Get well soon, but not that soon you get distracted by having a life.
Lol, I have the same hope. If I heal too quickly, I'll be back out in the world getting distracted. Better to stay injured for just a little longer for the sake of productivity.
As you age, it's only going to get worse. (Yeah, something to look forward to.) I'm in my early 70's now and can injure myself while sleeping, sneezing, reaching, and getting out of bed. I've only had two major surgeries, but one, possibly two, are looming on the horizon. Hope you feel better soon, and try not to injure yourself again.
I'll do my best. It seems like human bodies are more breakable than they should be. I should have bought the extended warranty.
I have a physical job and mostly-physical hobbies. When I sit down, I surf online or play games on my phone, and often get much less sleep than I should. However, I usually get by on 4 hours rest per day, and am able to power nap and consume large amounts of caffeine and sugar for energy and wakefulness.
I got by on four to five hours sleep for a lot of years when I was still getting my writing career up and going. I probably shaved a few years off my life, but look what I have to show for it. Actually, don't. Now, I sleep six, which is less than most people but more than enough for me. If you can sleep four and stay healthy and well rested, I say go for it. You get two to four more hours a day than anyone else. That's basically a super power.
Thanks - that's a good way to look at it. Years of working second, third, and multiple successive jobs per day, as well as living alone, have predisposed me to sleeplessness. I feel reassured by yet another who doesn't get the oft-recommended eight hours of sleep per day.