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I remember being late for a school (or school-related) trip only once, and it was only about five minutes of delay, so the bus driver was waiting as if nothing happened. I can recall however that when in my fourth grade we were about to go on the "green school" (which is a week-long trip organised by many schools here in May or June, aiming at discovering our country through sightseeing and attending educational events), parents of one of my classmates forgot about it so badly that his mum, in order to make up for her forgetting, had to drive him all the way from Kraków to Wrocław (which is a three-hour drive in one way).

When it comes to grooming animals, I don't remember how it was with our late dog and rats, but I can say something about our family cat. Because she's going outdoors, we have never trimmed her claws and in return she never sharpened them on our furniture. She's also completely overprotective when it comes to touching her - taking out ticks proved to be pretty hard task, especially when once she had one sticking from her backside. Combing fur is another activity she doesn't like, so whenever she sees one of us with a tool called "furminator" (which I like to describe as an upgraded comb), she's either running away or trying to bite it. Visits to the vet are also problematic, as she's hardly allowing to be put into the transporter.

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A three-hour drive is the ultimate parenting penalty. I feel for that mom in my soul.

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We had a furminator for Golden mix. The first time my husband used it on him, there was enough hair for another dog. My husband tweeted about it and tagged the company. They retweeted it and we were famous. It was at the beginning of us using Twitter (I refuse to type “X”), so we were excited.

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Amazing story! I think I can sort of relate, because when she eventually lets us use it, each time there's at least "half the cat" (as my cousin described it) of fur collected, but still lots of it can be dragged out when we pet her. And don't feel bad for saying Twitter - I also can't stand/get accustomed to it being now X.

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I’ll trade you four cats for one pig. Really. I’m serious. Sigh. Before covid I could take the only one who sleeps in my room to a $5 trim place for her nails and it was bliss. She’s no longer working and every where around here is $25. So I let them grow and she uses a mat I bought at IKEA as a scratching pad. Well, this week I bought a new duvet for the bed. Pretty blue. Clean. THAT’S when I realized that her nails were too sharp. Didn’t help that one of the other cats decided my bed was now a good sleeping place and her nails were sharp. My poor bed looks like a weed whacker went for it. We did manage to trim one cat’s nails once. Took two of us and we came away bloodily as hell. I suppose I could catch my cat and let the professionals do a 5 minute job for $25 but then there’s the other cat. She hates me. No way in hell am I gonna try and get her into a cage. So, wanna trade??

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Gilly is strong, but she doesn't cut me. I think I'll stick with her. Good luck with the cats.

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Damn. I tried. LOL

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Wow....unlike Lola, I'd never had made it to the bus anywhere near time enough to get the kids on it. I simply don't move fast in the morning. When our kids were in school, the bus stop was at the end of our driveway. Our daughter thought she'd see or hear it coming so piddled away too much time and missed that bus many times. One time I finally got fed up and told her she had to go to the next stop in the neighborhood to catch it because I was not going to take her to school (but of course I would have). So she had to run across the street and the common grounds to catch it, but she made it in time. She never missed getting on at the right place again, probably not because of the wrath of Mom, but because she hated to run.

Same daughter gave a speech in college on how to trim a cat's toenails. Took our sweetest and most laid-back cat in her carrier to class. Unfortunately, the cat freaked at seeing about 20 kids staring at her up close to watch the trimming. Daughter was unable to demonstrate it because the cat started frantically clawing her way out of the towel she was wrapped in on daughter's lap, leaving a few punctures in daughter's arms. And, it was really good that the classroom door was closed because the cat got away from daughter after leaving those claw marks, ran off crazily between some of the students and hid behind a filing cabinet. The grade for that speech was a C, and she got lucky it was even that. I'm not sure who was more traumatized by that experience - the cat or daughter. Too bad our cat wasn't a pig - perhaps daughter's grade would have been higher simply because she brought a pig to class!

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If the cat were a pig, there would have been a lot of toppled desks. I feel for your daughter. She probably practiced and practiced that speech, only to be foiled by feline nature.

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I thought you were off carbs? Have you changed your diet again? Last I remember you writing about it, you basically only ate meat. Perhaps “dietary choices” as an upcoming newsletter subject?

Glad Lola made it to school in time -- that would have been a painful lesson for you and Lola (although less painful for Gilly and the dog!)

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I got off the all meat thing a few years back. I just count calories now as I try to bulk up. It turns out my body loves highly processed food. I'm a garbage person who runs mainly on garbage.

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Our cat used to struggle and complain loudly when getting his nails trimmed. Then he learned he would get treats if he behaved. Now he complains softly to me while I hold him upside down in my lap, while my boyfriend trims his nails. LOL

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If Gilly would accept bribery, my life would be so much easier. You have a smart cat.

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I blame all of this on your fettuccini Alfredo carb load. You were in heaven and didn’t want to return.

P.S. I thought you were going to move someone’s possessions out of their house this weekend. I was expecting a story about that. Then, I see your blog’s title and freak out. This story is better than what I was imagining!

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I wrote this Saturday and we did the clean out Sunday. That will be my next newsletter.

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DH thought he could do dog grooming too. On our Llasa - instead of looking like a dog, he looked like a chihuahua, but with less hair. And nicks all over. DH always finished up by telling the dog “now looking at you doesn’t make me feel hot” then I found a compromise with a groomer who gave him (dog not DH) a puppy cut. He still had fur, but like a high and tight- which suited military DH just fine.

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I feel so much better now about my children being very independent adults, and my dog having an ongoing arrangement with a groomer. I am senior citizen enough that no one expects me to do yard work. Every once in a while I reminisce about seeing the girls every day, and feeling necessary to them…then I read your column and remember the downside of all that.

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I so love to read your perspective. I’m so glad I don’t live at your house. 😄

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Thanks! And, yes, I think everyone is very grateful they don't live here.

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My only question is, what about Luna’s hooves? Now that I think about it, I also wonder if you also change the names of the pigs? I guess i have too many questions because it is way too late. But i always save a newsletter for an insomnia night. Why let my monsters keep me away when i can doze off thinking of pigs and their names and hooves?

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Over the years, more than one person has responded with laughter after hearing me say: “My dad was a heavy drinker,” which may seem totally inappropriate. But to be fair, that statement was preceded by something like this: “I have 5 sisters, no brothers.” Know what I mean? (I’ll bet you do! 😉)

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I will be using the phrase “slicker than a pig on ice” as often as possible from now on.

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Darn with the title, I was sure it ended with your blood. Glad it was just animal blood

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My children never missed the bus for off campus trips. Unfortunately it was because I always got recruited to be a chaperone. Now if I could only count to make sure no one was left behind...

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