I think about parenting more now that my two are grown. When you are in the moment just trying to survive day to day and get everything done and everyone where they are supposed to be, there is not enough time. It is odd to me, the small things that I remember that my twin does not or vice versa and then the ones we both remember that shaped our personalities and the direction of our lives.
My kids are now 19 and 17, and this was a bullet to the heart. That "feature" feels depressingly like a "bug" right now, but I know in the not-too-distant future they'll complete the pulling away process so they can come back in a different way - as grown men with their own lives and families. But boy is parenting not for the faint of heart, at any point in the process!
I don’t have kids, thank god, so I don’t have to do the driving hassle that drives my sister and brother insane. [bwah-ha-ha-ha😈]
My mom did have to drive us 3 kids places. She complained about me cos it was early a.m. (choir) and late p.m. (plays). But my brother had to be driven all over for sports from age 7 til drivers license! And he played 3 sports for half that time. Somehow I don’t remember my mom complaining about that so much—cos he was The Golden Child.
I hope you'll take the opportunity when it arises to stay & watch if you can, you don't get this time back. Maybe we're the exception, but my wife & I tried our best for at least one of us to be at our kids activities... that is unless it was out of state... we didn't get to go to Hawaii to watch water polo! 😬🙀😂
As usual, James, the nail on the head. I only have one daughter, but I feel (unjustifiably, no doubt) that I've done as much driving as you! I got to stay at the events, and even made friends with other parents as trapped. I also dragged my daughter to far-off countries and forced her to endure different cultures while in, umm, substandard living conditions, all in an effort to mold her into a reasonable and reasoning human. One day, that is. We all live in hope. Anyway, I have tried to inoculate against memory loss (hers, that is) by taking photos of her in these situations, and uploading them to *her* cloud account. Do I anticipate any gratitude for dragging her all over the planet? Heck no, on the contrary, I'm sure to receive an earful of complaints once she marshals enough alienation to express this. But that's never been the point, which instead has been to shape a well-rounded person. Any success at that will work at a subliminal level. So too your driving. You care. And that's what they'll remember, not the journeys themselves.
I had a couple of paragraphs written but then went back and deleted them and I still am not sure I'm saying what I want to. Several years from now you'll be able to read how you managed this part of your life and either laugh or cry or puff up with pride - or all three at once. What we found is we were different parents to each child at different stages of their lives - and sometimes it worked well and sometimes it didn't. And it certainly is way different to parent rather than be parented. But I am convinced our kids noticed more than we give them credit for. I'm sometimes very surprised at the small things our kids remember. I loved having a kid trapped in the car with me - perfect time for that special chat or finding out what was really going on with them.
I do think that kids really do notice if their folks are there. Both of our kids perused the crowd to find where we were before each and every game/concert/etc. We mostly stayed for practices (not for the supervised school team sports once they started, how embarrassing for the kid) but it was easier than going home and then coming back. It was also social hour for me but we all know how you feel about that, ha.
Anyway, I still didn't say what I wanted to but even though your insight is so good now, it will change as your girls grow. And yes I know you are a comedy writer and I shouldn't take this so seriously, but we all know what a huge job parenting is.
I think you best get a car pool going now that your girls have started to need all this transporting. It really helps!
I remember very clearly the one game in my entire high school sports career that my parents went to. It was my senior night for volleyball. My brother and I hated that our parents never came to our games. There's just something about knowing your parents is there supporting you. We didn't expect them to come to all the games, but a few games per season would have been amazing.
Welp... i need to speak to the manager. Or the surgeons who switched you. I came to laugh and ended up watery eyed smiling and thinking of my own dad. That pisiform bone and appendix took a bit of acid and left a fluffy duffy aint them? :)
From one taxi parent to another: I get you! I also don’t often have time to stay (or the kids don’t want me to), but I try to stay for some things, some of the time, which they mostly like. And while I’ve not taken the wrong kid to the wrong place, I frequently forget which place I’m taking someone to and turn the wrong way (as recently as this morning!). I guess I’m lucky - at least one of mine usually thanks me for the rides...I’ll have to tell her how rare that is when I pick her up in an hour.
Now that's perfect implementation of Jack Sparrow's life approach:
-Take what you can (or in this case sign up for)
-Give nothing back
Also, my parents and other relatives all are or were "evening/weekend taxi drivers" for me, my siblings and cousins and we as well rarely or not at all thank them for their sacrifices.
When I was young, I went everywhere by bicycle, on my own, from about the age of 8. There was one particular class when I was 11 that was too late in the evening and too far, so my mother drove me to that one, but that was it, and from teenager onwards I would also bike in the evenings and at night.
Very good article and so right on about parents driving and not being remembered. We made it a point for at least one of us to be at our kids games, probably 95% of the time. They do look for you and appreciate you being there.
I can still remember hauling my kids to events in the summer and after school. But I remember I was told I had to stay and watch or ref or . . . My father taught our daughter to drive for me because he had the time to do it. When she got her license at 16 I made her haul her brother where ever he needed to go. When she left for college our son thought he could get himself to games etc by riding his mountain bike. It was a good idea except that was the year that El Nino hit full force and there was tons of rain. In the mornings he would toss his bike in the trunk and hopefully the rain stopped by afternoon so he could ride to his stuff as well as ride home. Finally I told him he HAD to get his license and drive himself be cause I was DONE! He dragged his feet because he didn't want to pay for his insurance which we made our kids do to help them be responsible. ;o)
I think about parenting more now that my two are grown. When you are in the moment just trying to survive day to day and get everything done and everyone where they are supposed to be, there is not enough time. It is odd to me, the small things that I remember that my twin does not or vice versa and then the ones we both remember that shaped our personalities and the direction of our lives.
My kids are now 19 and 17, and this was a bullet to the heart. That "feature" feels depressingly like a "bug" right now, but I know in the not-too-distant future they'll complete the pulling away process so they can come back in a different way - as grown men with their own lives and families. But boy is parenting not for the faint of heart, at any point in the process!
I don’t have kids, thank god, so I don’t have to do the driving hassle that drives my sister and brother insane. [bwah-ha-ha-ha😈]
My mom did have to drive us 3 kids places. She complained about me cos it was early a.m. (choir) and late p.m. (plays). But my brother had to be driven all over for sports from age 7 til drivers license! And he played 3 sports for half that time. Somehow I don’t remember my mom complaining about that so much—cos he was The Golden Child.
I feel sorry for all parents who do this!
I hope you'll take the opportunity when it arises to stay & watch if you can, you don't get this time back. Maybe we're the exception, but my wife & I tried our best for at least one of us to be at our kids activities... that is unless it was out of state... we didn't get to go to Hawaii to watch water polo! 😬🙀😂
It will mean a lot to them, even if they don't say it.
Extremely funny and thought-provoking at the same time! Loved this newslettter (but then I love every newsletter I‘ve read so far) 😁
As usual, James, the nail on the head. I only have one daughter, but I feel (unjustifiably, no doubt) that I've done as much driving as you! I got to stay at the events, and even made friends with other parents as trapped. I also dragged my daughter to far-off countries and forced her to endure different cultures while in, umm, substandard living conditions, all in an effort to mold her into a reasonable and reasoning human. One day, that is. We all live in hope. Anyway, I have tried to inoculate against memory loss (hers, that is) by taking photos of her in these situations, and uploading them to *her* cloud account. Do I anticipate any gratitude for dragging her all over the planet? Heck no, on the contrary, I'm sure to receive an earful of complaints once she marshals enough alienation to express this. But that's never been the point, which instead has been to shape a well-rounded person. Any success at that will work at a subliminal level. So too your driving. You care. And that's what they'll remember, not the journeys themselves.
I had a couple of paragraphs written but then went back and deleted them and I still am not sure I'm saying what I want to. Several years from now you'll be able to read how you managed this part of your life and either laugh or cry or puff up with pride - or all three at once. What we found is we were different parents to each child at different stages of their lives - and sometimes it worked well and sometimes it didn't. And it certainly is way different to parent rather than be parented. But I am convinced our kids noticed more than we give them credit for. I'm sometimes very surprised at the small things our kids remember. I loved having a kid trapped in the car with me - perfect time for that special chat or finding out what was really going on with them.
I do think that kids really do notice if their folks are there. Both of our kids perused the crowd to find where we were before each and every game/concert/etc. We mostly stayed for practices (not for the supervised school team sports once they started, how embarrassing for the kid) but it was easier than going home and then coming back. It was also social hour for me but we all know how you feel about that, ha.
Anyway, I still didn't say what I wanted to but even though your insight is so good now, it will change as your girls grow. And yes I know you are a comedy writer and I shouldn't take this so seriously, but we all know what a huge job parenting is.
I think you best get a car pool going now that your girls have started to need all this transporting. It really helps!
I remember very clearly the one game in my entire high school sports career that my parents went to. It was my senior night for volleyball. My brother and I hated that our parents never came to our games. There's just something about knowing your parents is there supporting you. We didn't expect them to come to all the games, but a few games per season would have been amazing.
Welp... i need to speak to the manager. Or the surgeons who switched you. I came to laugh and ended up watery eyed smiling and thinking of my own dad. That pisiform bone and appendix took a bit of acid and left a fluffy duffy aint them? :)
I remember very well when my daughter got her driving licence. She was 16 and finally could drive herself everywhere. Wonderful!
From one taxi parent to another: I get you! I also don’t often have time to stay (or the kids don’t want me to), but I try to stay for some things, some of the time, which they mostly like. And while I’ve not taken the wrong kid to the wrong place, I frequently forget which place I’m taking someone to and turn the wrong way (as recently as this morning!). I guess I’m lucky - at least one of mine usually thanks me for the rides...I’ll have to tell her how rare that is when I pick her up in an hour.
Now that's perfect implementation of Jack Sparrow's life approach:
-Take what you can (or in this case sign up for)
-Give nothing back
Also, my parents and other relatives all are or were "evening/weekend taxi drivers" for me, my siblings and cousins and we as well rarely or not at all thank them for their sacrifices.
When I was young, I went everywhere by bicycle, on my own, from about the age of 8. There was one particular class when I was 11 that was too late in the evening and too far, so my mother drove me to that one, but that was it, and from teenager onwards I would also bike in the evenings and at night.
I grew up in the Netherlands.
Very good article and so right on about parents driving and not being remembered. We made it a point for at least one of us to be at our kids games, probably 95% of the time. They do look for you and appreciate you being there.
I can still remember hauling my kids to events in the summer and after school. But I remember I was told I had to stay and watch or ref or . . . My father taught our daughter to drive for me because he had the time to do it. When she got her license at 16 I made her haul her brother where ever he needed to go. When she left for college our son thought he could get himself to games etc by riding his mountain bike. It was a good idea except that was the year that El Nino hit full force and there was tons of rain. In the mornings he would toss his bike in the trunk and hopefully the rain stopped by afternoon so he could ride to his stuff as well as ride home. Finally I told him he HAD to get his license and drive himself be cause I was DONE! He dragged his feet because he didn't want to pay for his insurance which we made our kids do to help them be responsible. ;o)