41 Comments

Make and freeze apple sauce with all those apples. It will go faster. You can make apple sauce I. A slow cooker with or without sugar

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Hi James,

This week's newsletter brought out many nostalgic memories of climbing my parents' apple tree, using the apples as antisocial-behaviour-enabling projectiles, and then, later in the season, watching scores of tipsy butterflies gently crash repeatedly into every accessible window after gorging themselves on half-fermented brown apple mush. The real difference between butterflies and moths is substance abuse.

However, as a fellow writer, and a pedant to boot, I'm going to ignore all those fond, sepia-toned memories, and instead point out that you misspelled "waste" as "waist".

Looking forward to next week's issue

Adam

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I think he uses an AI to generate the text version from the audio. Go spank his AI.

(You're welcome, James. Don't send me a wheelbarrow of apples, please.)

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Apple butter and apple cider can both be made in a crockpot.

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Hi,James,

Just read most of this aloud to hubby & his solution,which we've used ourselves when we have a glut of produce,is to make (what you would call on your side of the pond) hard cider.Here in the UK (& probably most of Europe) the fermented apple product is just called cider,unfermented it's just apple juice 😊.

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Ah, this brings back so many memories from my childhood of the untold hours helping Mom peel, boil, blanch, whatever, the many fruits for the making of pies, jellies, juices, frozen pints, and canned jars. I also remember one very long night during a major ice storm with my parents doing everything they could to save a cherry tree in our front yard. Never did understand that failed effort since the cherries were limited and available at a grocery store even if they were 12 times more flavorful. I also remember being told how my grandpa had a peach orchard for many years and basically got through the depression with that extra money he made. But he had 10 kids to help him out so there's that.....

Your girls helping out mom with the making of pies will be a great memory for them. And now I'd give anything to enjoy a big helping of a homemade apple pie - there truly is nothin' tastier! Marie Callendar doesn't come close......

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she can’t bring herself to waist apples on the rare occasions we get them - it's waste James (who ever thought little ol' me would get to correct a proper author??? lol) and btw I would LOVE to be pied (but I'm guessing Kent in the UK is too far for Lola to pop round)

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Either I'm in a peculiar mood, or James was especially funny today. Soooo many great lines in this post.

* "Fun fact: A group of pigs is called a mistake. Just ask Lola."

* "Think of it as bonus protein. Actually, don’t think of it at all or you’re going to throw up."

* "She might be a chemist, but her policy is based on pseudoscientific ritual instead of fact."

* "Any bacteria that gives up that easily wasn’t going to be a threat in the first place. I’m not afraid of microscopic quitters."

* "I had to buy them at a nursery instead of getting them for free because Johnny Appleseed had the nerve to be dead." (Funnier since I'm from Ft Wayne where J.A. is purportedly buried).

* "Full disclosure, I have no idea how to make a pie, but based on how good they taste, I assume one of the main components is black magic. Always tip the witch doctor."

* "We might be in a loaves and fishes scenario."

* "All they’re lacking is money. I pray they never learn how my life insurance works." (#truth)

* "a nice change from the usual scent, which is guinea pigs and fear."

* "I have a new idea for the Yankee Candle company."

* "Even stretched out to its full fifteen-foot length, Lola couldn’t reach the apples at the top since she’s only two feet tall."

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The Free Dictionary actually associates the horse-choking specifically to Caligua's horse. They suppose it's because Emporer Caligula was known for excess.

https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/enough+(something)+to+choke+Caligula's+horse

Also see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caligula

[Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (31 August 12 – 24 January 41), better known by his nickname Caligula (/kəˈlɪɡjʊlə/), was the third Roman emperor, ruling from 37 to 41.]

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How about making apple juice of them? In Belgium (where I’m from), we can bring our own apples to organic apple farms and they make them into juice. You pay for the process and the packaging but it’s definitely worth it because no apple juice tastes as good as the one made from your own apples. And the juice can be stored quite long.

Oh apple beignets are a good option too if you’re tired of the apple pies. 😊

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On the old expression about choking a horse, according to my wife a horse CAN'T throw up--which means one really could choke easily. This came as a surprise to me, but she knows horses.

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PS. i sware i thought it was investment stocks like Apple Inc. now please send Tim Cook pie would ya?

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On the pandemic and the subpar food delivery service I once was delivered a sack of apples instead of a bag (20lb instead of 1). I live in a 26th floor so throwing them was not an option so... we ate then. Pies at first till we learnt the holy grain of delicousness and lazyness: APPLE CRUMBLE! You can make it with oatmeal fliur, almond flour, regular flour... light, fat, fatter. And opposity to pie APPLES are the main ingredient and crumbles the sidekick. Google it and try it! (Also it can be frozen easily). :)

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Ah, serendipity - it can't be more than about a week since I read an article about the effect of washing fruit under a tap in reference to bacterial counts on the skin (of the fruit, that is). Evidently, it's equivalent to human exposure to fire hoses at close range - a veritable tsunami that sweeps bacteria off the fruit. So, Lola, chemist-cum-quasi-biologist, is correct. You stand/sit corrected, James. Abject apologies made (to Lola) would be apropos.

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I have a friend that does the same thing with her peach tree. If you go to her house during peach season you either leave with a cobbler, a bag or two of peaches, or both!

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I feel your pain about the bugs. Our trees are always so full of codling moths unless we remember to spray our trees. And when we do, there's so many apples you don't know what to do with them. And don't get me started on the pear and cherry slugs. Urgh!

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