oh you poor thing. I am so so sorry. On the plus side, you are a comedy writer, give it a year to let the pain fade and it can go in your next book. I am sure the Drs mentioned this, you probably need to be on yogurt, kefir, kombucha etc to get good bacteria colonies going again. And hey, you can get more stories out of trying to make your own kefir and kombucha. Just be sure to daily burp your second ferment kombucha unless you really like making a fizzy mess in the kitchen. then again, good story, LOL
OH man. That makes my butt hurt... FROM LAUGHING! HAHAHA
Only one thing MAYBE worse than handing over your poop....
I worked in reproductive genetics. When couples couldn't get pregnant, both had to be tested. We had a "special room" for the men. Lots of "visual aids" to help collect his "sample." Yeah, everyone KNOWS what's going on behind that closed door!!
OR bringing his "sample" to the front desk from home. That's always fun.
And yeah. Don't freak about recognizing you. APPARENTLY, I tried to sell my books to the dental assistant who was helping with my tooth implant and I was totally out of it No memory.
I had two nurses show up at book signing because apparently I invited them while I was having surgery and in the recovery room.
Man - we gotta sell those books to make the rent! LOL
That’s awful, but you’re the only person I know who can make awful funny! Just know that medical shame gets us all at some point. My recollection of asking someone to close the door while I’m being checked during labor still haunts me. Bless those people walking the hall at the wrong time….
Well, get the process started so they can see you quickly for problems once you’re an established patient. Especially if they find out you’re a BIG celebrity! 👍🏻🥳
My goodness James! You are definitely having a rough year without the help of your four daughters and wife! You are definitely needing some sage, holy water and maybe an exorcism? Also you need to change your last name, you definitely do not “break well”… prayers and blessings
This cracked me up 😆 I'm a nurse as well. I can assure you, there's very little you can do that will shock or disgust us. We're a tough breed. I enjoy the very real side of parenting that you show in your writing and jokes. Hope you feel better soon! C. Diff is no fun.
As someone who has struggled with a chronic illness for 25+ years, I have given all sorts of samples, endured all sorts of soul crushing humilations and almost died from sepsis. And I also gave birth spread eagle in front of nurses (strangers) who thought I was being too loud and slammed my hospital room door in frustration when I paid them no attention. I was too busy mooing and moaning my way to motherhood thank you very much. I had a metal spear through my chest so they could install a hickman IV hooked to a beeping heart monitor only to have the beeping stop (my heart) for a second when they inserted the tube. I'm lying there listening anxiously during the longest second of my life while a nurse barked something to the doctor in a panic. Thankfully the beeping returned. I've never had C Diff even though I had to take them for 20 years. Be sure to take a very good quality probiotic supplement from the health food store and dont eat sugar (including fruit) while taking them. Your c diff was likely from the hospital as its a rampant infection there. Get this.. it's because hand sanitizer doesnt kill it, only hand washing does and staff weren't washing their hands between patients. PS I mailed my poo to a lab once. I thought of so many hilarious scenarios that could occur. It was mailed to California I think and I realized that my poo is going on a vacation without me.
C-diff is horrific! I had it after multiple rounds of antibiotics trying to cure a bout of diverticulitis., which is another circle of hell. I completely commiserate. Do start a probiotic, & take it faithfully!
Oh my gosh....I've been so busy I hadn't been able to read this until this morning! This has GOT to be your top story EVER. I can't stop laughing. At the same time, I'm thinking, "You poor guy!" I'm so sorry you're sick. I hope this round of meds kicks it!!
oh you poor thing. I am so so sorry. On the plus side, you are a comedy writer, give it a year to let the pain fade and it can go in your next book. I am sure the Drs mentioned this, you probably need to be on yogurt, kefir, kombucha etc to get good bacteria colonies going again. And hey, you can get more stories out of trying to make your own kefir and kombucha. Just be sure to daily burp your second ferment kombucha unless you really like making a fizzy mess in the kitchen. then again, good story, LOL
At this point, my blood type is yogurt. I couldn't possibly eat more of it than I am right now.
Milk kefir, kombucha etc. Might be a welcome change. :-)
Yes, definitely get your good bacteria colonies going again!
Apparently the policy on all of your body parts expired at the same time.
Clearly, you should have not ignored those calls about an extended warranty!
Thanks for the Monday morning giggle, and ewwww. Feel better soon.
Definitely should have paid for the extended warranty. My cheapness caught up with me.
I can barely stop laughing, if that’s any consolation …
You have obviously offended some antagonistic deity. 😈
Get better soon, hopefully. You have my complete sympathy.
Your acknowledgment of your humanity is heart-warming. Sorry for your travails but glad you’re back on track to being well. Take care, Dear One. 💜
OH man. That makes my butt hurt... FROM LAUGHING! HAHAHA
Only one thing MAYBE worse than handing over your poop....
I worked in reproductive genetics. When couples couldn't get pregnant, both had to be tested. We had a "special room" for the men. Lots of "visual aids" to help collect his "sample." Yeah, everyone KNOWS what's going on behind that closed door!!
OR bringing his "sample" to the front desk from home. That's always fun.
And yeah. Don't freak about recognizing you. APPARENTLY, I tried to sell my books to the dental assistant who was helping with my tooth implant and I was totally out of it No memory.
I had two nurses show up at book signing because apparently I invited them while I was having surgery and in the recovery room.
Man - we gotta sell those books to make the rent! LOL
You're an inspiration! Clearly I was slacking by not selling when I was under.
That’s awful, but you’re the only person I know who can make awful funny! Just know that medical shame gets us all at some point. My recollection of asking someone to close the door while I’m being checked during labor still haunts me. Bless those people walking the hall at the wrong time….
I will forever avert my eyes when I'm anywhere near a hospital.
I am sorry for your pain, please feel better soon.
I need to send you some brown paper lunch sacks!
John/James, please get yourself established with a primary care physician before something else untoward happens! Seriously…😬
I'll consider myself lucky if I'm still above ground six months from now when they can finally work me in.
Well, get the process started so they can see you quickly for problems once you’re an established patient. Especially if they find out you’re a BIG celebrity! 👍🏻🥳
Holy shi........ Never mind.
Lol. I see what you did there.
My goodness James! You are definitely having a rough year without the help of your four daughters and wife! You are definitely needing some sage, holy water and maybe an exorcism? Also you need to change your last name, you definitely do not “break well”… prayers and blessings
I definitely break poorly.
🤣
This cracked me up 😆 I'm a nurse as well. I can assure you, there's very little you can do that will shock or disgust us. We're a tough breed. I enjoy the very real side of parenting that you show in your writing and jokes. Hope you feel better soon! C. Diff is no fun.
I definitely gained a new respect for nurses after all the gross stuff I put them through recently.
As someone who has struggled with a chronic illness for 25+ years, I have given all sorts of samples, endured all sorts of soul crushing humilations and almost died from sepsis. And I also gave birth spread eagle in front of nurses (strangers) who thought I was being too loud and slammed my hospital room door in frustration when I paid them no attention. I was too busy mooing and moaning my way to motherhood thank you very much. I had a metal spear through my chest so they could install a hickman IV hooked to a beeping heart monitor only to have the beeping stop (my heart) for a second when they inserted the tube. I'm lying there listening anxiously during the longest second of my life while a nurse barked something to the doctor in a panic. Thankfully the beeping returned. I've never had C Diff even though I had to take them for 20 years. Be sure to take a very good quality probiotic supplement from the health food store and dont eat sugar (including fruit) while taking them. Your c diff was likely from the hospital as its a rampant infection there. Get this.. it's because hand sanitizer doesnt kill it, only hand washing does and staff weren't washing their hands between patients. PS I mailed my poo to a lab once. I thought of so many hilarious scenarios that could occur. It was mailed to California I think and I realized that my poo is going on a vacation without me.
Lots of interesting info, and visuals (metal spear through the chest?!) in this comment.
C-diff is horrific! I had it after multiple rounds of antibiotics trying to cure a bout of diverticulitis., which is another circle of hell. I completely commiserate. Do start a probiotic, & take it faithfully!
I'm hoping the second round of antibiotics does the trick. I'd rather this not become a recurring story line.
Might I ask, what did they give you?
Oh my gosh....I've been so busy I hadn't been able to read this until this morning! This has GOT to be your top story EVER. I can't stop laughing. At the same time, I'm thinking, "You poor guy!" I'm so sorry you're sick. I hope this round of meds kicks it!!