Some of the things you mention would apply to the village and community where I live, too. Everybody is also complaining about everything, yet still all those people want to be living here today and forever on. Opinions on the Facebook group and site of our community (similar story on Google Maps), as well as mayor's profile, are either fully in favor or against his and the council's actions. The biggest issue is that even though folks have their criticism, they rarely express them in person, because most of them fear the local goverment. My dad, who is usually representing our house on village council's meetings and even served for two terms as councilman, has been on most occasions the only person on the assembly to discuss and constructively criticise community mayor's plans for spending the local budget and investments. Though lots of people have been thinking the same, they were mostly remaining silent and only thanking dad after the meeting has ended. This was also the reason people wanted to elect dad for village's head, but he refused, stating he's not keen on getting into politics more than absolutely necessart and beefing with bureaucracy. Complaining for mayors is present too - the previous one was criticised for "not doing anything to improve the quality of life", the current one is receiving it for "too rapid and drastic changes", although he's also praised for improving the community's finances.
We are just like people in your place when it comes to arranging other's properties, especially if they have large trees. Who doesn't like to have a decent shadow from the neighbour's trees in the summer, relying on it at least until one's own trees won't grow?
Unlike your area, there's no bigotry when chain shops are installing their locals here - this is a rare occurance when everybody's glad "the civilization is coming". Yet it isn't much difference for my family, because all the shops and small bars are in the centre, which is over two kilometers from us. Where our house is standing, not too long ago there were just empty or wheat fields. Which brings me to another similarity in how long it takes to not be still considered a newcomer. We are living in our village for quite some time now, whereas majority of our village and community's inhabitants have been here for generations. Luckily, it isn't a big deal when you're friendly to other's and willing to help their needs (as they will still elect such outsiders for office), but it's nice (and was my envy) to have all your ancestors listed during announcements of upcoming Holy Masses. It would be hard to do in the case of my family, because my great-grandparents were the last generation to live in their respective villages of origin. I long to having strong emotional and origin roots in a place, but who knows, maybe smaller attachment made it easier through all of our moves and would still do so if the necessity arrives.
The girls staying home for college means tons of stories for you to share, so I'm all in for that scenario!
Is two kilometers considered a long way to go out to eat over there? We drive everywhere here, so anything within a few minutes drive is considered close. I'm scared to ask what happened to your great grandparents villages given all that happened in Poland over the last century, but I'm glad you ended up in the idyllic spot on top of hill where you are now.
Many thanks for remembering a lot of what I shared here and there! Due to elevation and depending on traffic and source of transportation, the said 2-2,5km distance is: 5 min by car, 10-15 min by bike, up to half hour walking or via community's PT.
My family's origins are from now central and southeastern parts of Poland that during war were in the General Government, quite far from Kresy (Eastern Borderlands lost to USSR), so fortunately none of my ancestors was among living on areas of massacres of Poles in Volhynia or forced to move into new post-war borders. As far as I know most of my ancestors were lucky to make it through occupation alive and unscathed, but plenty of further family members and friends perished. But that doesn't mean their life under occupation was easy - after all these years, my grandfather still gets very emotional when he tells us about what happened to his Jewish friends, how occupier's laws were enforced making everybody fear if they'd make it to next morning or how retreating Germans and advancing Soviets were treating people and houses in winter of 1944/45 (I know nobody then alive who would consider themselves being "liberated" by the Soviets - for them it was beginning of new occupation). Those stories are frightening and I hope and pray they never happen again.
We moved to our small village right before our son started k'garten (40 years ago) so both he and our daughter (who was 18 months when we moved here) only know this house as their home. We are only 5 miles from the bigger city and nowadays you can't tell where the city ends and the village begins. We basically have the best of both. Our kids loved growing up here and are still within shouting distance. We have one of those Facebook neighborhood chat groups but so far, it is mostly about kids' fundraisers, lost dogs and clean-up days. No whining yet!
We love it here - no nosy neighbors, few complaints about the local gov't, good schools, reasonable property taxes. When my mom lived here for the last few years of her life, it was great because she could still safely drive to the bank, grocery store, church, library, pharmacy, and doctor and post offices without having to go over 30 mph, all within a couple of miles of her home.
All-in-all, this is a great place to live even though it's grown a lot larger than we expected. But, we've gone from no stop lights to 4, several fast-food places and a couple of sit-down restaurants, two brand new schools, and road improvements. And, boy oh boy, we have the annual highly contested and amusing Cow Chip Throw contest so you can't beat that!
I've always liked the idea of being close to the city but not in the city. If you're too far out, it causes a problem. I don't want to have a long drive if I have to go to the kids' school three times in one night for extracurriculars. Sounds like you've got the perfect arrangement.
Wow, sounds like you've been saving that up for a long time. All very legitimate and worth writing, AND I actually read (almost) the whole thing.
We make a lot of mistakes as parents, but if you can keep the family together while educating, feeding & watering, they will grow into healthy adults who think they can do a better job with their kids. Or insist they will never have them.
As to the online and IRL complainers, you just might have to learn to laugh a little louder at their First World Problems. Hopefully in their face occasionally. Even if it doesn't diffuse their righteousness, it will make you feel better.
I grew up in Wichita with, eventually, 9 siblings and 2 parents. The neighborhood was our playground and social learning center. Keeping out of our way was one of the best parenting techniques employed by our overwhelmed mother and hands-off father. I don't suppose that is possible now with the Internet and devices that allow too much exposure to "information".
Maybe they won't stay near when they grow up but that doesn't mean you won't stay close. We surviving 8 siblings are spread out across the country in 7 states, 8 cities and 3 time zones, yet we gather in whole or in part a few times each year. There will be fewer occasions now that Mom has died (just 10 days ago) but that one parent managed to tie us together for life. She encouraged a bond that keeps us connected. No matter how big a pain in the ass a few of them are.
Although none of us stayed in Wichita, there is a gravitational pull and extended family, not to mention a familiarity and memories. As long as you two parents have a home that is a refuge for your kids, a place they can count on when they need/want to gather, they will feel safe.
My 4 kids and their families live in different states and I've moved twice to be with all but the Californians (I know my limits). Although friends have encouraged me to buy small, I maintain a 4 bedroom home for their visits. And they have room for me when I come to stay. Not to mention the trips we take with some or all of the kids/grandkids a few times a year. Made affordable thanks to vacation rentals.
The family that plays together, argues and stays together.
Thank you. It was both a relief and a hard acceptance to let her go. She was 93 years and was ready to meet her God. We are still coming to terms with what this means for us.
I live in Clearwater Florida, which everyone knows is just a suburb of Tampa, which is just a suburb of the West Coast of Florida. As you drive through the different towns and blink, you miss three of them. An upside to the congestion, is that we are officially “built out“ as in there’s no room to build another subdivision, because all the land already has a building on it with it’s own requisite parking lot. Everybody complains about the traffic yet the many dealerships seem to multiply. The powers that be have been discussing mass transit for years, but everybody’s a NIMBY so the odds of that happening are exactly 0, zip, nada.
On a positive note, I can walk across the street to enter a 50 mile long trail, I can walk to a dozen restaurants and shopping, and the music and art scene here is amazing. Don’t tell anyone about all this though, we don’t need more residents, just your tourist dollars.
I live in Oshkosh, WI - same peanut-shaped roundabouts. You're NOT WRONG about "slam on the gas and pray". OUR Sandwich Sams is KFC. We don't have one. Anytime there's something new going up, that's what comes up on OUR Facebook page or Nextdoor pages. I don't know if public officials post about it, though.
I love the idea of there being a public longing for KFC. If it's anything like our town, once you get it, no one will get there. It turns out the loudest people on Facebook don't always represent the majority.
I love the Fox Valley. I've been to Oshkosh many times for the EAA convention, among other things. (I worked for Air Wisconsin for 20+ years.) We've lived in Green Bay and Wausau.
You could have been writing about the people in my town. Usually it’s old and older people on Facebook. Most youngsters only use Instagram or TicTock. I refuse to learn them, so who knows what’s going on there. I’m laughing at your comment about Carmel. It’s the city that our government wants to be modeled after. Every one shot down the roundabout idea, thank goodness.
Hah! Your town has nothing on our area, which uses NextDoor. We are a sharply divided community politically, probably about 50/50. The most innocuous comment, such as a post about a lost pet, deteriorates almost immediately into an Us vs Them debate. Well, debate being an understatement.
My mother's neighborhood, by contrast, uses a private listserv and the posts are invariably helpful - who is the best plumber (and rarely does anyone say no, they're awful - they just add an alternative) or if the power is out inviting neighbors over to a home that has a generator.
Maybe the difference is that in my town the speed limit is 35 at most and anyone driving more than 1 mile over that will be pulled over before they reach the next Stop sign (heaven forbid you not pause for the requisite 4 seconds). Mostly locals get a pass but anyone from outside the Village limits will receive a ticket. How else would we support municipal services?
Your town sounds like a nice place to live but a nightmare to drive through. If I was passing by, I would definitely take a long detour. I'm always paranoid about being pulled over.
You have described my Ohio town perfectly in every way. Complaints, complaint chat groups, building things, not building things, lack of restaurants but no restaurant that fills all the requirements, etc. Really hit home and made me feel like maybe I'm not crazy observing all of this! Our only kid, however, decided years ago that it was a good place to grow up, but that she not only wanted out of the area for college, she wanted out of Ohio and out of the midwest entirely. Her final decision came down to George Washington (in Washington D.C.) or Boston University. Turns out we traveled too much with her (ha!) both in and out of the country, and the quaintness of Appalachia (well the whole midwest) was lovely but she declared that she was "going big or going home." Mind you, if we had more than one kid we would not be able to afford this (she is at George Washington on partial scholarship). Meanwhile, most of her friends are either still in the area or at least at Ohio schools. I wish you luck keeping your girls near. I'm sure out of 4 you'll have more than one stay not too far, which is nice. Empty nesting when your kids are far away sucks. I'll not sugar coat it. My best friend's daughter just married a French fellow she met in college and now lives in France. Ugh! So hard. You'll find, though, that as long as your kids are happy and thriving, it's bearable. Just make sure they go to college/ live someplace cool that feels like vaca when you visit them. DC is a BLAST! ;-)
My husband talked me into joining some neighborhood chat thing. I think it is called Nextdoor. I was on it maybe one month. Very out of character for him to suggest it since he talked me out of Facebook and Instagram, which I’m also very happy I dropped. The whining is just ridiculous. He’s still on that whining group but I realized he enjoys it just for laughs. But I guess I’m whining too right now!
Oh, I forgot to mention that I took my daughter for several years to Carmel for the YAGP ballet competition. OH MY GOSH, those round a bouts were insane. Everyone who was there competing complained every year. They really are over the top, aren't they? I was seriously afraid I'd kill someone trying to drive around there. Lovely town, but geesh!
Roundabouts eliminate head-on & "t-bone" accidents, so many areas are including them. They allow unrestricted traffic from the left, however, which can make it nearly impossible to merge, and multiple lanes tend to be confusing (but just drive in a circle and try again, I suppose).
Some of the things you mention would apply to the village and community where I live, too. Everybody is also complaining about everything, yet still all those people want to be living here today and forever on. Opinions on the Facebook group and site of our community (similar story on Google Maps), as well as mayor's profile, are either fully in favor or against his and the council's actions. The biggest issue is that even though folks have their criticism, they rarely express them in person, because most of them fear the local goverment. My dad, who is usually representing our house on village council's meetings and even served for two terms as councilman, has been on most occasions the only person on the assembly to discuss and constructively criticise community mayor's plans for spending the local budget and investments. Though lots of people have been thinking the same, they were mostly remaining silent and only thanking dad after the meeting has ended. This was also the reason people wanted to elect dad for village's head, but he refused, stating he's not keen on getting into politics more than absolutely necessart and beefing with bureaucracy. Complaining for mayors is present too - the previous one was criticised for "not doing anything to improve the quality of life", the current one is receiving it for "too rapid and drastic changes", although he's also praised for improving the community's finances.
We are just like people in your place when it comes to arranging other's properties, especially if they have large trees. Who doesn't like to have a decent shadow from the neighbour's trees in the summer, relying on it at least until one's own trees won't grow?
Unlike your area, there's no bigotry when chain shops are installing their locals here - this is a rare occurance when everybody's glad "the civilization is coming". Yet it isn't much difference for my family, because all the shops and small bars are in the centre, which is over two kilometers from us. Where our house is standing, not too long ago there were just empty or wheat fields. Which brings me to another similarity in how long it takes to not be still considered a newcomer. We are living in our village for quite some time now, whereas majority of our village and community's inhabitants have been here for generations. Luckily, it isn't a big deal when you're friendly to other's and willing to help their needs (as they will still elect such outsiders for office), but it's nice (and was my envy) to have all your ancestors listed during announcements of upcoming Holy Masses. It would be hard to do in the case of my family, because my great-grandparents were the last generation to live in their respective villages of origin. I long to having strong emotional and origin roots in a place, but who knows, maybe smaller attachment made it easier through all of our moves and would still do so if the necessity arrives.
The girls staying home for college means tons of stories for you to share, so I'm all in for that scenario!
Is two kilometers considered a long way to go out to eat over there? We drive everywhere here, so anything within a few minutes drive is considered close. I'm scared to ask what happened to your great grandparents villages given all that happened in Poland over the last century, but I'm glad you ended up in the idyllic spot on top of hill where you are now.
Many thanks for remembering a lot of what I shared here and there! Due to elevation and depending on traffic and source of transportation, the said 2-2,5km distance is: 5 min by car, 10-15 min by bike, up to half hour walking or via community's PT.
My family's origins are from now central and southeastern parts of Poland that during war were in the General Government, quite far from Kresy (Eastern Borderlands lost to USSR), so fortunately none of my ancestors was among living on areas of massacres of Poles in Volhynia or forced to move into new post-war borders. As far as I know most of my ancestors were lucky to make it through occupation alive and unscathed, but plenty of further family members and friends perished. But that doesn't mean their life under occupation was easy - after all these years, my grandfather still gets very emotional when he tells us about what happened to his Jewish friends, how occupier's laws were enforced making everybody fear if they'd make it to next morning or how retreating Germans and advancing Soviets were treating people and houses in winter of 1944/45 (I know nobody then alive who would consider themselves being "liberated" by the Soviets - for them it was beginning of new occupation). Those stories are frightening and I hope and pray they never happen again.
Haters will hate no matter what 👎🏼
This is the truth
We moved to our small village right before our son started k'garten (40 years ago) so both he and our daughter (who was 18 months when we moved here) only know this house as their home. We are only 5 miles from the bigger city and nowadays you can't tell where the city ends and the village begins. We basically have the best of both. Our kids loved growing up here and are still within shouting distance. We have one of those Facebook neighborhood chat groups but so far, it is mostly about kids' fundraisers, lost dogs and clean-up days. No whining yet!
We love it here - no nosy neighbors, few complaints about the local gov't, good schools, reasonable property taxes. When my mom lived here for the last few years of her life, it was great because she could still safely drive to the bank, grocery store, church, library, pharmacy, and doctor and post offices without having to go over 30 mph, all within a couple of miles of her home.
All-in-all, this is a great place to live even though it's grown a lot larger than we expected. But, we've gone from no stop lights to 4, several fast-food places and a couple of sit-down restaurants, two brand new schools, and road improvements. And, boy oh boy, we have the annual highly contested and amusing Cow Chip Throw contest so you can't beat that!
I've always liked the idea of being close to the city but not in the city. If you're too far out, it causes a problem. I don't want to have a long drive if I have to go to the kids' school three times in one night for extracurriculars. Sounds like you've got the perfect arrangement.
This reminds me of the trolls who gave you grief for starting a subscription newsletter.
I left the NextDoor app when I realized the ratio of complaints to useful information was eleventy billion to one.
People are the worst. LOL
I left NextDoor for the same reason. Those people need jobs and lives!
Wow, sounds like you've been saving that up for a long time. All very legitimate and worth writing, AND I actually read (almost) the whole thing.
We make a lot of mistakes as parents, but if you can keep the family together while educating, feeding & watering, they will grow into healthy adults who think they can do a better job with their kids. Or insist they will never have them.
As to the online and IRL complainers, you just might have to learn to laugh a little louder at their First World Problems. Hopefully in their face occasionally. Even if it doesn't diffuse their righteousness, it will make you feel better.
I grew up in Wichita with, eventually, 9 siblings and 2 parents. The neighborhood was our playground and social learning center. Keeping out of our way was one of the best parenting techniques employed by our overwhelmed mother and hands-off father. I don't suppose that is possible now with the Internet and devices that allow too much exposure to "information".
Maybe they won't stay near when they grow up but that doesn't mean you won't stay close. We surviving 8 siblings are spread out across the country in 7 states, 8 cities and 3 time zones, yet we gather in whole or in part a few times each year. There will be fewer occasions now that Mom has died (just 10 days ago) but that one parent managed to tie us together for life. She encouraged a bond that keeps us connected. No matter how big a pain in the ass a few of them are.
Although none of us stayed in Wichita, there is a gravitational pull and extended family, not to mention a familiarity and memories. As long as you two parents have a home that is a refuge for your kids, a place they can count on when they need/want to gather, they will feel safe.
My 4 kids and their families live in different states and I've moved twice to be with all but the Californians (I know my limits). Although friends have encouraged me to buy small, I maintain a 4 bedroom home for their visits. And they have room for me when I come to stay. Not to mention the trips we take with some or all of the kids/grandkids a few times a year. Made affordable thanks to vacation rentals.
The family that plays together, argues and stays together.
I'm so sorry for your loss!
Thank you. It was both a relief and a hard acceptance to let her go. She was 93 years and was ready to meet her God. We are still coming to terms with what this means for us.
I live in Clearwater Florida, which everyone knows is just a suburb of Tampa, which is just a suburb of the West Coast of Florida. As you drive through the different towns and blink, you miss three of them. An upside to the congestion, is that we are officially “built out“ as in there’s no room to build another subdivision, because all the land already has a building on it with it’s own requisite parking lot. Everybody complains about the traffic yet the many dealerships seem to multiply. The powers that be have been discussing mass transit for years, but everybody’s a NIMBY so the odds of that happening are exactly 0, zip, nada.
On a positive note, I can walk across the street to enter a 50 mile long trail, I can walk to a dozen restaurants and shopping, and the music and art scene here is amazing. Don’t tell anyone about all this though, we don’t need more residents, just your tourist dollars.
I live in Oshkosh, WI - same peanut-shaped roundabouts. You're NOT WRONG about "slam on the gas and pray". OUR Sandwich Sams is KFC. We don't have one. Anytime there's something new going up, that's what comes up on OUR Facebook page or Nextdoor pages. I don't know if public officials post about it, though.
I love the idea of there being a public longing for KFC. If it's anything like our town, once you get it, no one will get there. It turns out the loudest people on Facebook don't always represent the majority.
It's really quite a joke. I'm not sure if people even really want it or not. Here's an article from 2015: https://www.thenorthwestern.com/story/news/local/oshkosh/2015/02/07/heart-dark-meat-kfc/23010769/
OMG. It's because of a roundabout! That's full circle (pun intended).
I love the Fox Valley. I've been to Oshkosh many times for the EAA convention, among other things. (I worked for Air Wisconsin for 20+ years.) We've lived in Green Bay and Wausau.
Awesome! EAA is what brought us here! I love the Fox Valley, too.
Lots of people in town that week! For sure!
You could have been writing about the people in my town. Usually it’s old and older people on Facebook. Most youngsters only use Instagram or TicTock. I refuse to learn them, so who knows what’s going on there. I’m laughing at your comment about Carmel. It’s the city that our government wants to be modeled after. Every one shot down the roundabout idea, thank goodness.
I live in a small town and grew up in a smaller one. I felt this in my soul. Really glad to know it's not just where I live.
It's EXACTLY the same here in Spring Hill, TN. Except we have too many Mexican restaurants and fast food places.
Hah! Your town has nothing on our area, which uses NextDoor. We are a sharply divided community politically, probably about 50/50. The most innocuous comment, such as a post about a lost pet, deteriorates almost immediately into an Us vs Them debate. Well, debate being an understatement.
My mother's neighborhood, by contrast, uses a private listserv and the posts are invariably helpful - who is the best plumber (and rarely does anyone say no, they're awful - they just add an alternative) or if the power is out inviting neighbors over to a home that has a generator.
Maybe the difference is that in my town the speed limit is 35 at most and anyone driving more than 1 mile over that will be pulled over before they reach the next Stop sign (heaven forbid you not pause for the requisite 4 seconds). Mostly locals get a pass but anyone from outside the Village limits will receive a ticket. How else would we support municipal services?
Your town sounds like a nice place to live but a nightmare to drive through. If I was passing by, I would definitely take a long detour. I'm always paranoid about being pulled over.
You have described my Ohio town perfectly in every way. Complaints, complaint chat groups, building things, not building things, lack of restaurants but no restaurant that fills all the requirements, etc. Really hit home and made me feel like maybe I'm not crazy observing all of this! Our only kid, however, decided years ago that it was a good place to grow up, but that she not only wanted out of the area for college, she wanted out of Ohio and out of the midwest entirely. Her final decision came down to George Washington (in Washington D.C.) or Boston University. Turns out we traveled too much with her (ha!) both in and out of the country, and the quaintness of Appalachia (well the whole midwest) was lovely but she declared that she was "going big or going home." Mind you, if we had more than one kid we would not be able to afford this (she is at George Washington on partial scholarship). Meanwhile, most of her friends are either still in the area or at least at Ohio schools. I wish you luck keeping your girls near. I'm sure out of 4 you'll have more than one stay not too far, which is nice. Empty nesting when your kids are far away sucks. I'll not sugar coat it. My best friend's daughter just married a French fellow she met in college and now lives in France. Ugh! So hard. You'll find, though, that as long as your kids are happy and thriving, it's bearable. Just make sure they go to college/ live someplace cool that feels like vaca when you visit them. DC is a BLAST! ;-)
My husband talked me into joining some neighborhood chat thing. I think it is called Nextdoor. I was on it maybe one month. Very out of character for him to suggest it since he talked me out of Facebook and Instagram, which I’m also very happy I dropped. The whining is just ridiculous. He’s still on that whining group but I realized he enjoys it just for laughs. But I guess I’m whining too right now!
Bloom where you’re planted! Sounds to me like you and your wife (and those beautiful gals) are doing life in your town for all the right reasons.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I took my daughter for several years to Carmel for the YAGP ballet competition. OH MY GOSH, those round a bouts were insane. Everyone who was there competing complained every year. They really are over the top, aren't they? I was seriously afraid I'd kill someone trying to drive around there. Lovely town, but geesh!
Roundabouts eliminate head-on & "t-bone" accidents, so many areas are including them. They allow unrestricted traffic from the left, however, which can make it nearly impossible to merge, and multiple lanes tend to be confusing (but just drive in a circle and try again, I suppose).
I have been a long time reader of your newsletter and have read your books. This may have been my favourite post to date. Thank you!