You have hit on my one area of knowledge - apologies in advance!
In case Rage Baby’s (or any other toddler’s) parents want random advice from the internet, here are three things that *might* help rage babies:
Hearing/Language - Toddlers are all about independence and adults are all about keeping toddlers alive, so we thwart them at every turn. Language bridges these opposing forces (to a point! No toddler is going to say, “Thank you so much for explaining that! I get it now!”), so make sure the RB’s hearing is good and give the RB the most language that you can. (Words, sign language, pointing at pictures, interpretive dance, whatever works!)
Heavy Work - Not heavy machinery! No one wants a toddler driving a bulldozer! Moving furniture (with you!), pushing a basket of wooden blocks across the floor, “moving the wall” by pushing on it with all their might (with hands, feet, or both), and that kind of thing helps expend some of the ragey energy.
Ramp Up/Calm Down Space - In early childhood ed we talk A LOT about a “calm down corner” where kids can go with stuffed animals, pillows, noise-cancelling headphones, liquid drip timers, etc. to help kids recenter and calm down. (For young children 0-5, adults should expect to help kids self-regulate -it’s really co-regulation.) This is good for all kids sometimes. What we’re also starting to talk about is a Ramp Up space where it’s safe to do the opposite - stomp, clap loudly, stick (NEW! UNUSED!!) plungers to the floor and pull them up (make sure the floor is stronger than the stick on tiles at Walmart, don’t ask me how I know…), paint with flyswatters, throw balled up socks into laundry bins, etc. This kind of space also helps children learn to self-regulate.
I think all of Rage baby senses are good. Perhaps too good. She uses them to detect more things to get into. It's probably a sign. She's actually ahead of the curve. She's like our foster pig, Onyx. She's smart enough to get into everything. She'll be an interesting challenge until she mellows out. Thankfully, unlike a pig, she'll eventually grow up.
I swore by a book called the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. It helped with both my kids, when they were little. The youngest I just knew would be wearing a diaper forever and never sleep a day in her life is now a well-adjusted 20 year old that loves hugs and naps (and doesn't wear a diaper, lol).
I had two sets of kids. First 2 at 19 and 22. Second 2 at 32 and…40. I swear to God I remember telling people who would listen that people who have children after 40 are insane. I was. He was an accident. I mean, I spent 6 years TRYING to get pregnant. Then the hubby left me (but apparently not enough) and I got pregnant. We tried to make it work….okay, I tried, he had a girlfriend, but in the end I ended up raising the boys myself. There’s more to the story but I’ll stop there. Would I recommend having kids at 19? No. At 40? No. Looking back I can see that there IS no “good time”. Every year brings different things to the game. Jobs, moving, marriage, etc. I wasn’t prepared for the first kid and I certainly wasn’t for the last. Ironically, it’s the two in between that turned out to be great people who love me. The first and last? Well, you can only do so much. As for rage baby, I had one of those. It’s just something you have to get past. Like gallstones. All are grown and gone (except for my 2nd one who developed diabetes at 6 and came back to live with me) and I feel the freedom I wish I had always had. I’ve talked to my therapist and he said “what would you tell your 17 year old self?” I said DON’T HAVE KIDS. I did okay but some people just aren’t born for it. Rattled on enough. Happy New Year to you and yours. May you not have one truly tragic day in the year. Then again, that would make for a boring newsletter.
I agree that there's no right time to have kids. Each stage has its challenges. But the current stage I'm in seems especially bad to have one. You have my sympathies for raising a kid in your forties. My mom did the same thing. In fact, she's still raising one. I'm very happy to be done having more.
I found your Rage Baby story humorous and I think I love that child. I would never have said either when our two were small because it was just so exhausting. When our son raged against coming in the house from playing outside, we had to plop him down in front of a boring TV show like Wild Kingdom or Bob Ross' painting show, something sorta interesting to him but with soothing soft voices until he literally keeled over, sound asleep. By k'garten he was mild-mannered, hated getting into trouble, sweet-natured, as he still is today. Our daughter was an easy baby but magically decided around 2 that she should change the rules in life to her suiting and fought us tooth and nail until we were so worn out it wasn't funny. Anyway, she happily grew out of that stage around k'garten and while she stayed stubborn and independent, she turned into a real joy to be around and still is. Sometimes all we can do is observe and regulate as best we can .....enjoying the particularities of their unique personalities. Kids are magicians, changing those actions that drive us bonkers into those that will serve them well and that we enjoy so much!
It is remarkable how much kids can change from stage to stage. I imagine rage baby will be as sweet as can be by her school years. If she can make it that long without burning down her house.
Ouch. Have they tried putting her in a baby carrier on one of their backs? That was my secret weapon when my kids (or my friends’ kids) wouldn’t chill out / go to sleep. I’d Superman toss them onto my back in a carrier… worked like magic!
This always puzzles me because I have one way younger sibling and one child, both of whom were born smiling, were calm and happy babies, calm and happy toddlers, calm and happy children and teens, and are now calm and happy adults. Don’t remember either of them crying or fussing at all, even as babies. Seems incredible but it’s true. Apparently I was like this as well. The hubby, however, was apparently a screamer/ rage baby. So I guess we were lucky with our only! I can’t even imagine. Hope rage baby grows out of this for everyone involved!
LOL so true. There are 11 years between my twin and I and our brother, 13 between us and our baby sister. Neither of the younger two have children........
You have hit on my one area of knowledge - apologies in advance!
In case Rage Baby’s (or any other toddler’s) parents want random advice from the internet, here are three things that *might* help rage babies:
Hearing/Language - Toddlers are all about independence and adults are all about keeping toddlers alive, so we thwart them at every turn. Language bridges these opposing forces (to a point! No toddler is going to say, “Thank you so much for explaining that! I get it now!”), so make sure the RB’s hearing is good and give the RB the most language that you can. (Words, sign language, pointing at pictures, interpretive dance, whatever works!)
Heavy Work - Not heavy machinery! No one wants a toddler driving a bulldozer! Moving furniture (with you!), pushing a basket of wooden blocks across the floor, “moving the wall” by pushing on it with all their might (with hands, feet, or both), and that kind of thing helps expend some of the ragey energy.
Ramp Up/Calm Down Space - In early childhood ed we talk A LOT about a “calm down corner” where kids can go with stuffed animals, pillows, noise-cancelling headphones, liquid drip timers, etc. to help kids recenter and calm down. (For young children 0-5, adults should expect to help kids self-regulate -it’s really co-regulation.) This is good for all kids sometimes. What we’re also starting to talk about is a Ramp Up space where it’s safe to do the opposite - stomp, clap loudly, stick (NEW! UNUSED!!) plungers to the floor and pull them up (make sure the floor is stronger than the stick on tiles at Walmart, don’t ask me how I know…), paint with flyswatters, throw balled up socks into laundry bins, etc. This kind of space also helps children learn to self-regulate.
Sorry for the novel!
I think all of Rage baby senses are good. Perhaps too good. She uses them to detect more things to get into. It's probably a sign. She's actually ahead of the curve. She's like our foster pig, Onyx. She's smart enough to get into everything. She'll be an interesting challenge until she mellows out. Thankfully, unlike a pig, she'll eventually grow up.
Not necessarily. Kid can be also ADHD. It is something you are born with so someone babies just are different 🤷♂️
I swore by a book called the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. It helped with both my kids, when they were little. The youngest I just knew would be wearing a diaper forever and never sleep a day in her life is now a well-adjusted 20 year old that loves hugs and naps (and doesn't wear a diaper, lol).
I thought waffle might wear a diaper forever. Somehow, each kid took longer to potty train than the last. They learned defiance from each other.
I had two sets of kids. First 2 at 19 and 22. Second 2 at 32 and…40. I swear to God I remember telling people who would listen that people who have children after 40 are insane. I was. He was an accident. I mean, I spent 6 years TRYING to get pregnant. Then the hubby left me (but apparently not enough) and I got pregnant. We tried to make it work….okay, I tried, he had a girlfriend, but in the end I ended up raising the boys myself. There’s more to the story but I’ll stop there. Would I recommend having kids at 19? No. At 40? No. Looking back I can see that there IS no “good time”. Every year brings different things to the game. Jobs, moving, marriage, etc. I wasn’t prepared for the first kid and I certainly wasn’t for the last. Ironically, it’s the two in between that turned out to be great people who love me. The first and last? Well, you can only do so much. As for rage baby, I had one of those. It’s just something you have to get past. Like gallstones. All are grown and gone (except for my 2nd one who developed diabetes at 6 and came back to live with me) and I feel the freedom I wish I had always had. I’ve talked to my therapist and he said “what would you tell your 17 year old self?” I said DON’T HAVE KIDS. I did okay but some people just aren’t born for it. Rattled on enough. Happy New Year to you and yours. May you not have one truly tragic day in the year. Then again, that would make for a boring newsletter.
I agree that there's no right time to have kids. Each stage has its challenges. But the current stage I'm in seems especially bad to have one. You have my sympathies for raising a kid in your forties. My mom did the same thing. In fact, she's still raising one. I'm very happy to be done having more.
I found your Rage Baby story humorous and I think I love that child. I would never have said either when our two were small because it was just so exhausting. When our son raged against coming in the house from playing outside, we had to plop him down in front of a boring TV show like Wild Kingdom or Bob Ross' painting show, something sorta interesting to him but with soothing soft voices until he literally keeled over, sound asleep. By k'garten he was mild-mannered, hated getting into trouble, sweet-natured, as he still is today. Our daughter was an easy baby but magically decided around 2 that she should change the rules in life to her suiting and fought us tooth and nail until we were so worn out it wasn't funny. Anyway, she happily grew out of that stage around k'garten and while she stayed stubborn and independent, she turned into a real joy to be around and still is. Sometimes all we can do is observe and regulate as best we can .....enjoying the particularities of their unique personalities. Kids are magicians, changing those actions that drive us bonkers into those that will serve them well and that we enjoy so much!
It is remarkable how much kids can change from stage to stage. I imagine rage baby will be as sweet as can be by her school years. If she can make it that long without burning down her house.
Ouch. Have they tried putting her in a baby carrier on one of their backs? That was my secret weapon when my kids (or my friends’ kids) wouldn’t chill out / go to sleep. I’d Superman toss them onto my back in a carrier… worked like magic!
She's past the baby carrier stage now. She very much wants to be on her own two feet marching toward destruction.
Oh - and my younger daughter, I wore her on my back sometimes until she was 4 and a half…so it isn’t just for babies!
This always puzzles me because I have one way younger sibling and one child, both of whom were born smiling, were calm and happy babies, calm and happy toddlers, calm and happy children and teens, and are now calm and happy adults. Don’t remember either of them crying or fussing at all, even as babies. Seems incredible but it’s true. Apparently I was like this as well. The hubby, however, was apparently a screamer/ rage baby. So I guess we were lucky with our only! I can’t even imagine. Hope rage baby grows out of this for everyone involved!
It really does seem to be random chance. Some babies are born to make your life easier. And others, well, not so much.
LOL so true. There are 11 years between my twin and I and our brother, 13 between us and our baby sister. Neither of the younger two have children........
It appears that lessons have been learned.
Perhaps your siblings were watching your expanding family closely to see what might be coming for them?
We were definitely a warning to others.
I think rage baby would benefit from a little alcohol in her sippy cup!
If she wouldn't benefit, her parents certainly would. I'll never shy away from offering them a drink.