47 Comments

Lola and Lila, in almost identical dresses? Are they related? xD

Expand full comment
author

They are not. It was a weird coincidence. Also, their real names are nothing alike. I'm just bad at picking pseudonyms.

Expand full comment
founding

Do you ever accidentally call Lola by her pseudonym?

Expand full comment

Fair enough!

Expand full comment

LOL, Lola & Lila pseudonyms 🤣🤣

*no mention of the matching dresses, but the closed eyes are noted …

Expand full comment

I was thinking this exact same thing! :-0

Expand full comment
Mar 13, 2023Liked by James Breakwell

🤣 I’m in tears laughing!

Expand full comment

How can you eat that much? Where does it go? You are still as thin as ever! It’s not fair!

Expand full comment
author

My weight on the scale was up nine pounds the day after this.

Expand full comment
Mar 13, 2023·edited Mar 13, 2023

That really is a beautiful cake. You eating your slices as well as the others' remnants reminds me of my daughter at any b'day party she went to in grade school. When I picked her up, the parent always told me how many slices of pizza my kid ate - so many they thought they'd have to order more! Boy, talk about being mortified. And even though I talked to her about it, she'd do it again the next time. You two would have made good party buddies - she'd eat all the pizza, you could eat all the cake.

Great photos of the group with the writer who was snubbed. Ouch. Given the group benefiting from the charity proceeds were teachers, you'd think the organizers would have put out for auction any and all books donated. They could have googled the titles and found they were worth bidding on!

Expand full comment
author

Your daughter and I would make a formidable team, but we'd betray each other. I would also race her for all the pizza.

Expand full comment

When the girls grow up, and if your doctor ever says you can’t drink anymore you might have to start writing articles about cats. Breeding and caring of. Not pigs, that would be a no brainer, but cats. LOL. I’ve not only been to fundraisers like this but worked on a couple. Booze is a good thing. I loved Lola’s outfit but like Trialia, I noticed she matched! Was that intentional? Did they throw side glances at each other all night? Either way, cute. You just looked tall. And skinny.

Expand full comment
author

Total coincidence. If they had known I was going to post pictures of them, they would have gone home and changed.

Expand full comment

That cake cost more than my first THREE cars combined! It is pretty but not THAT pretty. The crazy things people will buy for charity! Glad you had fun, but that was a pricey night out!

Oh, and I’ve bought two copies of each of your first three books, so I’m helping the numbers as much as I can.

Expand full comment
author

It is worth more than my first two cars combined. Your must be better at shopping for car deals than me. Thanks for buying double copies! That does indeed diminish the sting of the dumpster incident.

Expand full comment

My first car cost $2K brand new! My dad had sold a piece of property and put the cash on the car, he even asked me what color I wanted. I'm glad he asked since the color my mom picked would have made me hang my head in shame, even though it was new.

Expand full comment
Mar 14, 2023·edited Mar 14, 2023

No, I’m just that old! And bought very cheap cars. And the 2nd one only lasted 6 days. I was hit by a drunk driver running a red light.

Expand full comment

What about the flavor of the cake? A cake that expensive has got to be fancy inside and out. Any pics of a slice?

Expand full comment
author

I didn't even take that picture of the cake. I had to have Lila contact someone at the table. Clearly, I was too unfocused at that point due to cheese and other substances. The cake was vanilla, I'm pretty sure. The frosting was pure sugar, which was obviously the highlight.

Expand full comment

You're a better human than me - When hubby and I participate in an auction, we're going for a deal. Pay $100 (or more!) for something that costs $100? No way. Even $75 would give us pause. But thank you for letting us enjoy your night! (For the low price of whatever my sub to your substack is, totally worth it because anything that regularly makes me laugh is super valuable.)

Expand full comment
author

Were this not a charity our closest friends supported with their blood, sweat, and tears, I would have felt just like you do. I hate spending money, even for a good cause. But if I have to spend it anywhere, I'm glad it went to teachers.

Expand full comment

Your wealthy friends would lose their minds to discover that the cake auction I attended yesterday had a meager $150 sale and everything else went for lower. 😂

Expand full comment
author

This weekend, I bought a cake for $10 off the bargain shelf at Walmart. Felt like the deal of a lifetime.

Expand full comment

Sure is! 😂

The local hospice house is finally bringing their auction back for the first time since 2019. I think the smallest amount of damage there (and I only ever participate in the silents) I've done is $80!

Expand full comment

Thanks for the laughs! I too will eat cake when I am already full. I was inspired to purchase several books from the Wish List. Helping teachers is always a worthy cause.

Expand full comment

Looks like there was real butter in the buttercream icing! And you didn’t have to chip in for the $5700 purchase price, so I would say you were a big winner! Congratulations.

Expand full comment
author

I feel a little guilty about that. I ate over a thousand dollars worth of cake completely for free. Even the teachers don't benefit that much.

Expand full comment
founding

You *can* have your cake and eat it too!

Expand full comment

I loved the silent auction fundraiser at our sons catholic school. After a few drinks I’d be bidding like the world was ending tomorrow. And getting irrationally offended when someone upped the bid. Good times.

Expand full comment
author

That's how they get you. Glad it's not just me.

Expand full comment

James, you clearly missed the memo on the blue shirt for the twinsies clothing choices. Lola and Lila did their part!

Expand full comment
author

I'm lucky if I can dress myself most days. Color coordinating is way out of my wheelhouse.

Expand full comment
founding

It‘s a good thing that I wasn’t drinking milk or any beverage while reading this article because I probably would‘ve spewed it out through my nose with laughing! What a gift for making the entire event come alive so vividly for us and for the hilarious commentary!

Expand full comment

Oh-- I learned my lesson at my first and last auction. I bid against a coworker....for a black pearl necklace that I've never worn. It looks beautiful, in a box. And also bid and won minor league baseball tickets, right before the pandemic hit. And then we moved out of state before the team started playing regular games again. 😐

Expand full comment
author

Maybe the team was just waiting for you to leave. You should sneak back into the state and see if they mysteriously cancel.

Expand full comment

I'm the person you want at your charity auction, especially if there's alcohol. I don't like to lose, so if I get outbid I see that as losing and just cannot allow that. That's how I ended up with 2 trips and a puppy (not the same auction, fortunately). My auctioneer boyfriend won't let me come to auctions he's working anymore.

Expand full comment
author

LOL, you could have funded all the teachers by yourself. But, seriously, a puppy?! That's the most dangerous auction item of all.

Expand full comment

You're not wrong!

Expand full comment