46 Comments
founding

"dork turducken" is hilarious. I laughed out loud. At my job, which is not at all funny, so thank you.

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author

If I don't accidentally endanger the employment of at least one person everyday, I haven't done my job.

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Oh my word, she's gorgeous. You're in big trouble. Not to mention all the awkward conversations you're going to have to suffer through.

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author

The next time someone shows up at the door, I'm hiding in the basement.

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Sep 23Liked by James Breakwell

Beautiful 💝

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Dogs in diapers aren't all that unusual and don't matter to pet people. If anything, an animal lover would be touched by your family's devotion. We have a Border Collie in diapers right now.

As far as Betsy goes, this father of two thinks you need to invest in a baseball bat to hold off the boys. 😆

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I'm working on putting up guard towers as we speak.

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Oh, I hope they had fun! Betsy is lovely, I love her dress! So, do most people you know IRL not know that you are the world-famous James Breakwell of Xploding Unicorn fame? The published author, blogger, pig-owner, comedian? Or is it just that you don’t mention it at a ”first date“?

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Some people know, but this divorced dad from out of town definitely didn't. I wasn't going to fill him in. That would not have helped the conversation.

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Au contraire, mon frère! It would have generated tons of discussion topics… probably Betsy and date would never have made it to dinner! 🤣

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Betsy looks fabulous, she did indeed find the perfect dress. The fellow, however looks a bit unkempt. He’s the one who should have had parental help putting his outfit together. lol!

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author

I think it's the style these days. Or not. I thought he looked cool, which is probably a bad sign.

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In fairness he only had his dad's input and his mom didn't see him til after the dance.

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I am curious how the conversation between the two kids was. Our son preferred to go with other couples just to avoid those uncomfortable conversations with the other parents while getting photos taken. I will never forget our daughter's date/boyfriend (sophomore) at her freshman homecoming. As they walked out the door, I touched the kid's shoulder as I said "Have fun" and he about jumped out of his skin. Poor kid....he couldn't get to the car fast enough.

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Even today, who my wife and I go out with just the two of us, we play a game together on our phones. There's only so much to talk about. Bringing other couples along makes things easier.

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Maybe, if I had been born later, the flash on the camera would have not made my date startle and promptly pin my chest to the flowers. LOL

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She looks amazing! I'm so happy things went well for them (minus the whole pizza thing). Don't worry. You'll get better at the whole entertaining suitors while they wait on your daughter(s) to finish getting ready. Thankfully you won't have to entertain dads as much. But, hey, look on the bright side - the other dad realized that Betsy comes from a normal, nerdy family. That actually counts for something! He probably will just wait in the car while his son picks up Betsy next time.

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That would be ideal. Now that he's realized we're not a family of serial killers, it's safe for him to stay at the curb. Preferably, he would just honk and Betsy would run out. I wouldn't be insulted at all.

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Oh I love her dress! Great choice!! and I am LOL over the blue tennis shoes.....

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I'm actually a fan of the blue tennis shoes. I wish I would have thought of that back in my day.

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Me too, wonder if they come in men's 9 1/2 extra wide? LOL

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I had to zoom in because at first I thought he was wearing fluffy bathroom slippers

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My goodness, you hit a nerve with this. Brought back long buried memories of serious levels of awkwardness. Cheers!

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author

All through the generations, the awkwardness stays the same. There's no hope for any of us guys.

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Betsy looks lovely; she picked a perfect dress. And I am in stitches thinking about the years of awkward parental meetings looming on the horizon. I cannot wait for the successive stories!

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author

There's still a chance the rest of my daughters will be nuns. You never know.

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Hope springs eternal for a dad with 4 daughters....

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This is the best newsletter you’ve ever written! It might have been because I didn’t have to be anxious. You got to be! Or, it’s just funny.

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author

There was definitely some anxiety in my part. I'll do better next time. Or not.

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Everything about today’s newsletter is wholesome happy perfect. Almost beats my favorite (your mom’s wild fox encounter). Also, it prompted me to find the oldest one. I feel like long lost aunt of your girls and felt so proud of how they are growing up.

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author

I'm curious: what was the oldest one? I've been sending these out for entirely too long.

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It was one called “How I Got Stood Up By An Entire City” you talked about your haunted van, a taxidermi llama vs taxidermy bear and when you tried to make friends creating a group in your town to play wiffle ball to which only one person showed up… correction and quote “Actually, two. At the last minute, my nine-year-old, Betsy, asked if she could come. I wasn’t sure I wanted her to see me get stood up by an entire suburb, but then I remembered I didn’t have any dignity anyway, so I let her come along. Due to the total lack of interest from other human beings, we had the entire park to ourselves. Thanks, debilitating adult loneliness. Betsy had never played baseball or softball before (Yes, I’m a terrible father, but you already knew that), so we were starting from square one. I explained the concept to her, and she learned it well enough to drop five runs on me. Next time, I’ll be sure to teach her less well. We played nine full innings with just the two of us in a game that lasted well over an hour. I failed to make any new friends this week, but I did manage to have a pretty good afternoon in the park with my daughter. And the carnivorous squirrels didn’t even bother us. Those are at a different park. I’m not an idiot.”

:) well… how far we’ve come (well you… i’m still very much stuck in life but call your wins mine jaja)

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Just correction, oldest one I have since im pretty sure I was late to the party

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Wow. Betsey looks absolutely stunningly beautiful. You are definitely going to need a bat near the door

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author

Time to invest in a moat.

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Well, congratulations! You lived through the first date! All of my sons have daughters and will be doing this same kind of suffering soon enough! Bless your hearts! Betsy looked lovely and her dress was perfect! She looks just like her mother! You could always try the old "cleaning the shotgun on the kitchen table" when the boys drop by, that might intimidate some of them! 😉

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No shotguns here, but I do have a few toy lightsabers that might do the trick.

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Betsy looks so pretty and happy. Her dress is gorgeous. I’m happy to know I’m not the only one with no idea how to deal with visitors.

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I'm normally not quite that bad with visitors. Circumstances threw me off. I was far from on my A game.

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